XYDEXX: Still the Squeakiest

Who could have stolen this gigantic inflatable reindeer?

Who could have stolen this gigantic inflatable reindeer?

And what were they going to do with it?

And what were they going to do with it?

We have our suspicions!

We have our suspicions!

Despite people's best efforts, Xydexx persists in being Xydexx. Even though he's a moribund tourist attraction devoid of lulz, people never seen to stop freaking out about him—usually over things he never did to begin with. He supposedly wields immense and terrifying power in the furry world as North Korean Tour Guide Publications Director and spokesman for #1 Furry convention Anthrocon, where he spends a whole year putting together a conbook that nobody has ever read. This is apparently part of his plan to replace Furry fandom with gigantic quivering monkeypants.

Xydexx allegedly once stole a gigantic 18-foot tall inflatable reindeer from a local mall to use for sexual purposes, but nobody saw him do it and you can't prove anything, so ha ha.

Everything You Wanted To Know About Xydexx But Didn't Care Enough To Ask About

Winning Arguments By Running Away From Them

Xydexx first came to the attention of the Internets at large years ago when Portal of Evil flipped the fuck out to hilarious effect over his Inflatable Animal Fetish Page. He responded by quietly moving the real page to higher ground and letting the PoE link go 404, musing that PoE would suck pretty hard if they were nothing more than a collection of dead links. PoE editor Kthor responded by removing the page from the archive, but then added it back when he realized he said he'd never remove the page from the archive.

The Internet Gullibility Test

Some people think Xydexx is so mean he once punched a hole in Lowtax's head just to see what was on the other side. (It was actually Uwe Boll that did that, not Xydexx.)

Back in January 2005, untrustworthy internet shitstain Doodles was getting flak for taking pictures of furries at a furry con and posting them to Something Awful for the lulz. Xydexx pointed out that if SA Goons kept instigating furries it would eventually lead to physical violence. He eventually deleted his comments when got tired of the drama, which internet mass debater Squnq immediately seized upon as some sort of lame internet victory, and told anyone gullible enough to believe him that Xydexx wanted to beat up Goons. Xydexx posted a rebuttal of Spindoctor Squnq's absurd interpretation of his deleted posts, but nobody cared. Squnq left the internet forever a few years later in a fit of troll's remorse.

Since 2007, Xydexx has maintained a sort of litmus test that people who believe what trolls have to say about him are people he's better off not associating with. It is worth noting that in three years, this test has NEVER FAILED.

Today, the only person still butthurt and gullible enough to believe Xydexx has some sort of vendetta against Goons is a whiny third-rate, washed-up, middle-aged, hypocrite named Triggur, who is currently frothing with histrionics and screeching with rage over whatever it is he imagines Xydexx has done.

Pulling A Xydexx

Xydexx has little time or patience to deal with trolls on the internet and for years has followed a fairly predictable pattern:

Xydexx bikes more miles in a year than some trolls do in their entire lives, and that's just fucking awesome.

Xydexx still doesn't have a witty response to trolls who say "HA HA, YOU'RE GOING OUTSIDE!" If Xydexx ever drops out of an argument with you to go ride his weirdo bike around, laughing at him for going outside is a surefire way to make him cry!

Procrastination As An Art Form

Xydexx responds to Simbab, who fails at Google-fu.

Xydexx responds to Simbab, who fails at Google-fu.

Responding to trolls is such a low priority for Xydexx (who is usually too busy having buttsex marathons with all the giant inflatable reindeer that he might possibly have stolen) that it takes him anywhere from two months to two years to reply. This apparently makes Xydexx so intimidating that coward Simbab was inexplicably too afraid to ask if he was a Debian developer.

Xydexx's behavior has frustrated the trolls to such a degree that they now respond like a bunch of trained sheep and go into a snit whenever he deliberately makes a post and then deletes it. He recently caught denizens of Vivisector red-handed, much to their embarassment, obsessing over him and making the usual wild speculations over all the BIG SEKRITS!!!!! they found—or at least they think they found—in his deliberately-deleted posts.

Demigod of Internet Seriousness

It is a well-documented fact that Xydexx sold his sense of humor for some magic beans in 2001. Now he takes everything absolutely seriously. Do not be fooled by the fact that he plays a redonkulous squeaky inflatable unicorn on the internet, it is merely a ploy to deceive you! Indeed, Xydexx is a Festering Malignancy that must be abolished, which is why so many people justifiably seethe with rage at him! Please join an angry mob near you! Xydexx's despicable actions are legendary and he must be stopped! Xydexx once got in trouble for UNNECESSARY SMILING. Being such a bastion of good humor is INEXCUSABLE, because Xydexx is supposed to take everything SERIOUSLY! And the worst part is, XYDEXX DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO LAUGH AT HIMSELF! Simply appalling!

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