V

WW2 children's story with pigeons

This is Disney. This is Disney without Pixar. Any questions? This CG film is the most clear and distinct depiction of the hollow, empty shell the Disney creative process currently is without external assistance. It has an adult theme (WW2) but is told in a manner that feels catered to kids in the single-digit age range. It's got jokes, but they're executed so poorly that it's simply not funny, mainly due to the clearly rushed speed of the film and abominable pacing. Our hero's final scene is on a ship, a train, and finally an old mill - but each of those scenes lasts no more than thirty seconds. The mice, secondary characters, are more visually appealing than the main ones. The animation looks plastic, the characters are totally unappealing, it's got a touch of uncanny valley, the script is predictable and simply boring, and if that weren't enough it's got a whole boatload of poorly-executed burp and fart jokes. You know it's bad when the burp and fart jokes aren't even funny. One of the worst CG animated movies I've seen.

*1/2 out of *****

Cornball, anything-goes supernatural action flick

Let's consider the things that stood out the most in this film. It had lots and lots of action - in fact the whole movie was a constant stream of action duct taped together with half-hearted requisite drama bits the writer probably thought up while on the john. The CG characters are visually appealing - they're not watered down, focus-group redesigned imitations, these are some great monsters. The CG is vastly overused - I remember when you watched a "making of" and it was all about how the crew spent 40 days in the desert, suffering starvation and broken limbs to produce live stunts marvelling most olympic gymnastic productions. Now, the "making of" is something like: "I spent four months in this folding chair, our cappucino machine broke, and my RSI got enflamed." The film is also ultra-corny - it's very very comic book. The lines are rapid-fire with no pauses, no dramatic effect, no facial expressions...one might say, no acting. It's worth a bowl of popcorn for fun, but save some to throw at the tv (like the carriage jumping the chasm, ugh).

*** out of *****

When I found out that I was going to get to see Vanishing Point, I thought it was great because I'd never seen the original classic before. However, I then learned that I was going to be watching the made-for-tv remake, so I mentally prepared myself for a much reduced quality experience. Even Viggo Mortensen can't really make this film interesting. Remove most of the violence, language, and make it seem like a Dukes Of Hazzard chase scene and I'm pretty sure it's not quite as landmark as its parent. The story of a man racing a vehicle across the US to reach his hospitalized wife is turned into a LifeTime or Hallmark Channel tv special. Enormous plot holes, bland script, and generally hokey performances. It's not quite eye-gougingly bad, but it'll definitely make you wish you'd seen the original, instead.

** out of *****

D for Disappointed

I'm rather loathe to write this because I really wanted to like this movie. Eight out of eight of my NetFlix friends who rated this film gave it a 4 or 5/5. Despite it having fun action, a witty protagonist with flair, and a modern message that almost everyone can identify with these days, there were just way too many rotten spots on the apple for me to say "yummy!" The message, while quite clear, was sledgehammered hamhandedly into the viewers consciousness - no subtlety here, we get it already. But a movie intended as a realistic allegory to current political events doesn't go together well with Matrix-type fantasy. The society is presented as surveillance-based and highly wary of terrorism - yet our disfigured protagonist, V, manages to send packages to every man, woman, and child in London without anyone batting an eye. V fights a charismatic, over-the-top battle against the oppressive regime, yet has no qualms about using their tactics, including torture, deception and brainwashing, against his allies - who come around in seconds with unbelieveably hammy theatrics. Questionable decisions include saving the woman who betrayed him while one of his most powerful allies is left to be dragged away by the bad guys right next door. Why use visuals such as the unmistakable, iconic footage of the rescue of Baby Jessica from the 1980s to represent civil war in America? The plot is a poorly stitched together mishmash of Alan Moore's original idea and the Wachowski's glorified Hollywood thrill ride, unable to differentiate terrorism from positive change. Felt like a ripoff of Batman with flair and an anti-Bush message.

** out of *****

Collection of classic Victor Borge Show and appearances

For many of you, if you've even heard of Victor Borge at all, he may bring up images of a kindly-looking old man making punctuation noises while playing the piano, perhaps from Sesame Street. Older fans will remember that back in the 50's he was quite the star, with his own show and hosting various appearances on tv specials and the like. The Victor Borge Show collection includes many episodes of his half-hour program which featured skits and commercials for 20 mins, followed by serious piano playing for the last ten. The cartoonish humor is very old fashioned and designed for tv, performed live (with all that entails), deeply dated commercials included. We tended to skip the concert portion and commercials which became repetetive. On the last disc are several one-shot appearances on tv specials, but for the most part they are repeats of the material presented in his tv show. The two Lost Episodes discs are more of the same found on the last TV Show disc - one-shot performances that contain repeat material from the tv show. We skimmed through those in about an hour. Since the material is of a significantly different style than the stage performances of his later years, I'd recommend this only to really interested fans and then only the TV Show collection, skipping the extras on the last disc. You'll have seen it all by then. Otherwise, get a Best Of collection.

** out of *****

Shyamalan rustic thriller

While melodramatic, this is probably the worst M. Night film I've seen yet. It's not particularly bad, but it really doesn't stand out as much of a shocker as compared to his prior films. There are several twists as one might come to expect, but the very first twist sucks all the excitement right out of the movie. From then on, it's really not scary or threatening in any way. It is also, unfortunately, quite predictable. So much so that I guessed the final revalation before I even started watching the movie - that's pretty bad. There's plenty of drama, tho, so if you like soap opera style character interactions and historic scenery with Shyamalan's name on it, this is still under his banner.

**1/2 out of *****