M

No sleep is bad for you.

This is an impressive and creepy film sneakily filmed in Spain, but portrays LA (watch the DVD feature, it's neat). It stars Christian Bale who went from 180 to 120lbs (and then back to 180 for Batman begins), an impressive feat in itself. The movie, however, is no shabby presentation on its own. While some events are telegraphed like smoke signals, most of the film is a huge, insane puzzle right up to the very end. Our hero, who hasn't slept in a year, unravels quite convincingly and desperately. It does an excellent job of leading the viewer through the maze of increasing delerium with panic, desperation, and juicy whodunnit paranoia. It reminds me a lot of Memento, where every moment of the film actually means something so you have to pay close attention, and black-humored irony is littered everywhere. Apart from a few questionable delays in decisionmaking on the part of our hero, it's an excellent thriller.

****1/2 out of *****

Wacky zoo critters run amok

I'd originally been iffy on this film because I wasn't initially sold on the character designs, which are particularly unique and angular. That's probably because I didn't understand the genre the film was going to portray. This isn't a musical, Disney, or even plot-driven animated feature. It's all zany, madcap, slapstick Looney Tunes-style humor, reinforced by its superb use of pacing and physical gags. I found myself laughing a lot more than I expected. The designs grow on you and the story, while nearly taking a back-burner seat to the moment-to-moment silliness, isn't schmaltzy enough to intrude. It's also based completely in unreality, as evidenced by the very first scenes, which sets the mood capably. A few sore spots include the slightly over-the-top lemur tribe (funny, but too heavy-handed) and the rather generic foosa (???) antagonists. A glance at boxofficemojo.com shows that the film made over a half billion dollars internationally. Someone must like it.

**** out of *****

A series of wild pranks/skits.

This 1969 film featuring Ringo Starr and Peter Sellers is part Monty Python, part Candid Camera, and part Yellow Submarine. Not surprising since it was co-written by John Cleese and Graham Chapman who both have cameos. There's little-to-no plot, but it generally circles around a rich businessman who adopts a homeless man and plays elaborate pranks on other rich or influential people. They're not so much 'pranks' in that they're scripted from both sides. The film is very disjointed and moves extremely slowly. Occasionally, there's inappropriate video clips which totally ruin the moment. The major scenes are a hoot, tho, a spectacle of mild zaniness or blatant catastrophe. The film's sound needs to be remastered desperately, tho.

**1/2 out of *****

Feel-good McCarthy-era Pollyanna, except with Jim Carrey.

When I read the sleeve for this one, I saw "a tale of patriotism and small-town values" and immediately turned up my nose. However, I'd gone so far as to rent it, so I ought to see the film. As long as it is (over 2.5 hrs), I did not regret seeing this film. Granted, the sap gets hard to breathe through at times and it tries a little too hard to be a tearjerker, but it rebels against the right things and supports the right people in the right way. The allusions to Pollyanna are occasionally garish, but are usually washed out by the fact that there are antagonists and there is conflict. The rest, tho, is pure feelgood pap, which everyone needs a little of now and then.

***1/2 out of *****

Gay-themed Big Fat Italian Wedding

Fairly even-handed portrayal of gays, similar to Jeffrey in that the main characters are straightforward, not stereotypical, and the movie is slightly fantasied-up. There's a lot of cartoon takes, breaking the 4th wall, and theatrical machine-gun dialogue. Probably some of the best parts are with the main character's parents, who are absolutely comedic. Contrastingly, they are stereotypical Italians milked for high humor value, but without becoming unlikable. Unfortunately, the movie embraces the plot element of being able to turn a gay guy straight at the drop of a hat, so it's not exactly flawless.

*** out of *****

Strange things are afoot in the campaign...

Throughout the whole film, I couldn't help making parallels to Stephen King's The Dead Zone, which is an excellent book and film, but just traded horror for this film's bordeline sci-fi. The editing of the movie is kind of muddled, with fast cuts to and from scenes, and a few that don't seem to belong or get explained. The high points are the characters, Denzel Washington and Liev Shcreiber, who both put on intense and enjoyable performances. Meryl Streep, however, is spectacular in her creepy evilness - oscar-worthy performance. The film has a bit of a twist which shouldn't be predictable but got me anyway. There isn't much in the way of car chases or excitement, but plenty of suspense and detective work. Now and again, I love a good whodunnit, and this is a unique one.

*** out of *****

Relationships in NYC

I watched this movie with Xydexx, my mom, and my dad. My dad fell asleep after 30 minutes. After 45 minutes, those of us left awake agreed to watch something else instead. This movie is devastatingly dull on many levels and plain disturbing on all the others. There's nearly no plot development, merely Woody Allen's whining ad infinitum. What's worse, this is no Annie Hall - he's not even funny once during the whole time. The film is in black and white and alternates NYC scenery put to orchestral music with Woody Allen's relationships. That's where it gets disturbing because the relationship is with a 17 year old girl while Allen is something like 50. It's not only not believeable (the girl does not give a convincing performance), it's a little disturbing to watch. Because I didn't finish watching the movie, I can't give it a rating. The review should suffice.

N/A

An old man and a crook cross paths

Once the film ends, you think back in retrospect that this is a very somber film, maybe even an emotional one. However, during the trip through, you're treated to a lot of unexpected laughs and really get to enjoy the characters tremendously. Their names are rarely used, if ever, so you really focus on their personalities. The old man is humorously eccentric and the robber is charismatic. The film runs along with very little action and only showcases the development of the two men's relationship during their brief time in each other's company. Very strong and gentle story.

***1/2 out of *****

David Bowie, nekkid

There's a good film underneath all this mess, but it's just perpetrated so badly. The film starts right off by jumping months and even years between scenes without any warning or sequitur. Show Bowie entering a pawn shop poor, cut to him on the road with a fist full of hundreds, cut to him in an office in NY with infinite cash. What happened in between? The movie delights in being vague and seems to enjoy leaving gaping plot holes (what were those rings?). It seems to be a big launch platform for Bowie's music career back in the 70s, especially because of how it ends, albeit abruptly and pointlessly unresolved. Let's not forget the gratuitous and repeated full-frontal nudity of main and supporting characters, plus a pee-shot. At a running time of almost 2.5 hrs, it's just too much nothing, too badly.

*1/2 out of *****

Bruce Campbell not catering to his fan base

It took Bruce Campbell 19 years to make this made-for-tv schlockfest? I would hope they could have at least afforded better production values. This low-budget b-movie features mad scientists, gore, gunfights, and really low-quality comedy. In essence, it's a sci-fi version of 1984's "All of Me" featuring Steve Martin and Lily Tomlin, but it takes nearly half the movie to even get to that point. It's screamingly MST3K-able. If you're a huge fan of Bruce Campbell...well, even then you'll be disappointed. It's got plenty of him taking abuse and fighting in his usual "hi-yah!" way, but throughout it all he's costumed to look like a middle-aged, balding accountant which makes it all the more ridiculous. The man is a character actor and he needs to get back to his character before it's too late.

*1/2 out of *****

Penguins!

Surely everyone has heard of this by now, having marked itself as the second highest grossing documentary of all time. While I'm not really sure it's completely worth that billing, it is definitely educational and neat, albeit slow as molasses, repetetive, and packed with filler. You get a lot of neat shots of penguins doing penguin stuff and the second half is filled with cute baby penguins. The story itself is one of nature and it doesn't flinch from depicting the birds' seventy-mile journey of hardship - over and over and over, with even the same narrative each time. Just before you start to yawn, they save you with pics of sunsets and icebergs (*yawn* oops). Thank goodness it's narrated by the soothing oratory of Morgan Freeman who can make me feel all warm and secure talking about shoelace collecting. Worth seeing to learn what all the fuss is about, but it's not all that.

***1/2 out of *****

A stylized retelling of the original.

MSF goes a step beyond ordinary storytelling and actually infuses the plot with energy, managing somehow to do so without turning the film into Die Hard 4. The players lose themselves almost completely in their roles, turning unrecognizeable as they meld into the story. The lone exception is Robert DeNiro as the monster, whose New York City accent is rather difficult to get around, although the makeup does a pretty good job of taking it halfway. The film also does an excellent job portraying a descent into madness which is often Hollywood-ed up into unbelieveability in other films - in this one you can really get it. Surprisingly, there is a guest-starring role by none other than John Cleese in one of his few serious roles to date.

**** out of *****

Modern Zorro hero flick

Script some fun sword and gymnastic fight scenes, add a hefty dose of humor, include a recognizeable hero, and use name-brand actors qualified to do the action/adventure schtick and it's usually a winning combination, no matter what the script. Mask of Zorro is no different, with Antonio Banderas carrying the flag as he usually does in his similar films, with a very likeable performance that's as much fun to watch as it is to laugh at. The progression is very Batman-ish, with Anthony Hopkins as the old Zorro training Banderas as the new recruit in his lair, which looks very comicbook-like. Even the romance scenes are clever, witty, and full of saucy innuendo, making them bearable as interruptions without losing the pace. Unfortunately, the movie stumbles at the end, seeming in a rush to get itself over and done with, characters suddenly appearing, teleporting, and dying abruptly - it's like entire scenes are missing. It ends on an unnecessarily cliched note, sadly. Getting there is most of the fun.

***1/2 out of *****

N/A

Yeah, it was all that, but it wasn't really all that.

We caught the 10:45pm show, the least crowded of the four last night. The crowd was pretty reverent and quiet through the film, which was great. One of the better moviegoing experiences I've had. They even had a Q&A contest before the film where I scored two free passes by answering that the actress who played Trinity had appeared in Memento with Guy Pearce.

Anyway, about Matrix Reloaded. This film is all action and attitude. Truly exciting scenes, wild chases, trenchcoats, and dark glasses. Neo kicks ass. Everyone is just as you remember them, woohoo! This is the main feature of the flick, in addition to Agent Smith's great one-liners.

Where Matrix 2 doesn't measure up: Story, characters. The plot served almost no purpose except to be interstitials between action sequences. After you see the film, try and remember anything about the non-action parts. It's pretty difficult because they weren't gripping. It was adequate, but not striking. The heroes you so loved in the first film do measure up, but it's the bad guys that don't. Agent Smith is just cannon fodder. The twins are throwaways.

Where Matrix 2 fails: The first 30 minutes, inventiveness. Sleep through the first half hour of the film. It's totally pointless. The reverse of AI. Cut it out and you'd have a better movie. As for the creativity, the wonder of discovering the Matrix with Neo is gone. Now he knows all, so you know all. You're just following Neo around. His exploration is over and now he's back at his desk job from the first film again. Instead of filing papers, now he's just beating people up. And the fistfights do get tiresome and repetetive.

Great stuff: Car chase, Smiths fight, French guy (even though he was irrelevant to the plot except to provide bad guys to fight), FX. I'll definitely be seeing the next one on opening night, too.

***1/2 out of *****

Finale in the Matrix trilogy.

While the first movie was a classic story and the second film was one big special effect, the third film is one big comic book. Lots and lots of intense action, pretty worthy of a finale. Unlike the second film, this actually performed to progress and conclude the storyline. In fact, the second film could be skipped entirely (sort of like Two Towers). Keanu Reeves' acting loses personality entirely here and the other actors easily steal the show. There are a few laughable moments, but I felt the ending was satisfying, if a tad confusing at first thought. The SFX is sometimes too busy and there are moments where you can't tell what's happening on screen. All in all, this was better than #2, but still off par with #1.

**** out of *****

Finale in the Matrix trilogy.

Everone who harbors credit card debt should watch this film, if for no other reason than to clarify exactly how predatory the corporate infrastructure surrounding the debt industry is, and how desperately important it is to escape from its clutches. Through a series of talking heads, ancient educational videos, and interviews with debtors, creditors, and victims of creditors, a clear picture is drawn of the interconnected web between the credit, debt, and collection businesses, and how the government facilitates their growth and domination of the general public, especially the poor. The film tends to dry out in a number of places, especially when discussing credit law and crunching obscure numbers, but that doesn't mean the information isn't worthwhile. From cards to check cashing to student loans to bankruptcy, you'll meet people who've lost everything and parents who've lost their children from suicide over debt. It's a sobering documentary and personally reinforces my decisions to escape debt early in life by whatever means necessary.

**** out of *****

Sweet, shy girl loves her many friends, but only their best parts.

Don't read the reviews on this film, they give away almost the entirety of the story. More dark-humored cynicality. You really get to like May during the first 2/3rds of the film and you often empathize with her, even though she does behave a little differently than normal. However, if you know the direction the film is going to go, you still spend most of the time watching through your fingers, waiting, waiting... Eventually, you get the goods and it's much more campy gore than the word-on-the-street makes it out to be, no troma-fest thank goodness, but still squirmy. This could've been a keeper if not for the last 5-10 minutes of the film, the climax, where the campiness vanishes and the ride derails into a mix of sappiness and unpleasantness that doesn't match the rest of the film at all. Could've ended a lot better.

*** out of *****

Bullies and consequences

It's no wonder that the Culkin kids keep having rough lives, their parents keep putting them in traumatizing movies like this. This film has a deep meaning that it tries to get across by general social and physical catastrophe. You see it all coming, it's pretty predictable, but that doesn't make it any less easy to take. The acting is more accurate than many teen movies, even heartbreaking at times, and can be equated in many ways to Stand By Me or Lord Of The Flies. Unfortunately, it chooses to portray the bully as victim and the victims as bullies, which is the current mindset for excusing that type of social behavior these days. It makes for a tough story, but loses its true life feel, especially after the halfway mark. Worth seeing if you are into harsh, unhappy dramas.

***1/2 out of *****

Watered down Heathers

Over the last generation, there's been a preponderance of films that typify uppity girl cliques in high school, notably including Heathers, Saved, and now Mean Girls, but they're in descending order of sharpness. This film, while having the classic sarcastic you-did-NOT-say-that patter from the antagonists, loses steam after it tires of the conversation and doesn't make its way back to the forefront in time to have a satisfying resolution, which seems to take place closer to the middle of the movie than the end. Still, the characters are entertaining and it's eminently watchable, especially the deliciously shocking scene with the bus. Other facets of the film are predictable, like the prom ending and the presence of gay/goth sub-protagonists. Fun to watch, but I wish it had stayed at the level it began with all the way through.

***1/2 out of *****

Sequel to Meet the Parents

Quick version: did you like the first movie? If yes, you'll like the sequel. Long version: The film suffers heavily from sequel-itis. A predictable set of events for a sequel and the obvious formula - take what worked in the first and just hammer it repeatedly in the followup. People with class and those easily offended should balk, but they probably balked at the first film already anyway. Personally, I like the first one, so the humor here, while often needlessly lowbrow, still works despite the trying-too-hard thing. The introduction of Dustin Hoffman is merely ok and slightly annoying (his new mode of acting, yapping incessantly, is tiresome) is balanced nicely by Barbra Streisand's (jeez, she's gotten tubby) giggly portrayal as an overly-Jewish sex therapist/mom. There's no award-winning material here, just more of the same.

***1/2 out of *****

[Grampa Simpson] Deeeeeeaath!

Despite its subject matter, this is actually a very cute movie. The first half is quirky fish-out-of-water humor that's done in a classy, mature fashion without lowbrow comedy or fart jokes. It's very sweet, yet still retains some tension considering the "fish" we're dealing with. The second half of the film, once it's gotten its jollies out of the way, becomes both darker and more of a romance, with some pretty hot & sexy scenes.. A real date movie if it wasn't all about death. While thoroughly enjoyable from beginning to end, the film's drawbacks are twofold. First, at over three hours, its hideously long. Credit goes to Anthony Hopkins and Brad Pitt for keeping us awake. Secondly, it's very deliberately paced like a little old grandmother on the freeway. It doesn't slow down, but it never really goes very quickly to begin with in either events nor dialogue. If you can handle classy, sincere romantic comedy films that take their time, this is a pretty good one to see.

**** out of *****

If I could sum up this film in one phrase, it would be "been there, done that." Yeah, it had it's funny moments, but they weren't really funny. It's like a rock band plays all its songs for a concert, gets called out for an encore, but can't figure out what to play, so they just wing it. A totally muddled plot, an ineffective villainess (WHY does she have to be a supermodel???), and a script that almost toally repeats everything we saw in the first movie. There's no more unique story. Same aliens, same guns, same locations, same everything. If you just want more of the same MIB you saw in the first film, the movie's for you. If you want something, *anything* new, stay the hell away from this film. Probably only best if watched immediately back-to-back with the original.

** out of *****

A bittersweet story of three factions facing each other, trench-to-trench, in WW1. Each side celebrates Christmas, and the fighting stops over the holiday so all soldiers can celebrate together - much to the consternation of their superior officers. An unlikely, but apparently true, account of the distances in perception between those on the war front and those directing traffic behind the lines. While it is a war movie in theme, the focus is on the unifying event rather than any action film heroics. Thus, it is more of a drama and may move slower than one might expect, ranging from scenes of trench warfare to several extended religious operatic numbers. The dialogue is split between at least three different languages, so be sure to keep subtitles on despite the prevalent english. While rated PG-13, there was a debate during release concerning whether the violence would garner an R rating. The scenes are quite strong and it probably falls in the middle somewhere, but it's all part of relating the compelling story. I'm not sure I'd call this a holiday movie since some elements are bound to depress, but it's very worth seeing out of season.

****1/2 out of *****

Freedom fighter tries to prevent robot's worker revolt

Based on the NetFlix reviews, you'd think this was one of the worst films of all time instead of the clever, ahead-of-it's-time sci-fi story it really is. The film was rescued and restored, but is missing some chunks which are filled in by onscreen narrative. If this is the best it could be restored to, it's a miracle it was saved at all - it's fuzzy around the edges and skippy where frames are missing. But the story is very cool and the sets are stunning for that day and age. It's definitely a learning experience and I'm glad I can say I've seen it. A lot of the elements you'll recognize from today's movies.

*** out of *****

Bugs!

I'd been eagerly awaiting the availability of this documentary for ten years. If you have even the slightest fear or squick at the thought of bugs, avoid this movie. Nearly its entirety consists of close-up, highly-detailed footage of everything from caterpillars to butterflies to wasps to beetles to snails (yes, I know they're not bugs). Mostly unnarrated, the documentary lets the visuals speak for themselves, taking artsy footage of the environments they reside in and putting it all to various styles of orchestral music. Great scenes include the caterpillar traffic jam, the morning-glory birth of a mosquito, and slo-mo snail-smooching put to operatic overture. It's really a never-boring, beautiful film that provides a window on bugs that most people never see. I really wish they'd make more docs on bugs just like this one.

****1/2 out of *****

Modified family version of King Kong and Jurassic Park.

I'm the last person to say I like films starring monkeys, however I do like good FX and this was an Oscar nominee for that so I gave it a try. Definitely a rip on Jurassic Park. Still, if enjoyed for its own merits, you've gotta give it some kudos for the gorilla shots which are well orchestrated. The first half hour of the film is nigh-inexcusable, however, with Disney doing double-duty on the cliche wagon, and the initial monkeys are just midgets in suits or awful animatronics. Once the film gets revved up, it starts turning into a more agreeable storyline and moves along to its predictable climax. Surprisingly worth seeing for the nice-movie value.

*** out of *****

Coen Bros take on early gangster films

After we started watching this movie, I knew I'd seen it somewhere before because I recognized every scene, but it had been so long that I didn't know what as going to happen next, so it was effectively like enjoying it all over again. The mark of the Coen Bros are all over the film with the snappy, witty, choreographed dialogue and caricatures of characters, if not quite as much as some of their other films. It has a pleasant number of twists and turns and an occasional good laugh, tho it's also really harsh at times. The drawback is that the supporting characters tend to be more colorful than the main ones, who speak in sleepy, near monotone which I assume is meant to invoke the idea of hard-boiled detective noir, but instead dulls the knife a bit. Definitely a classic from the Coen library, tho. Watch for cameos by Sam Raimi and see if you can spot Albert Finney (Leo) in drag.

**** out of *****

First half - boxing, second half - abusing the audience

The first half of the movie is quite fun, there's some pleasant camaraderie between Eastwood and Swank. There's a number of characters that are well-explored and a decent dose of humor for good measure. The actors are appreciatively curmudgeonly - it's like watching Grumpy Old Men, but in a boxing match. It eventually leads to some uplifting boxing scenes and looks well on it's way to be a crowd-pleaser. Then you get to the second half of the movie. After 15 minutes, I'm feeling miserable. Everything after that is just sadism on the part of the director and scriptwriter. You can almost hear them giggling in the back row as the audience pulls out their hankies. Problem is, the hankies dried up after I got tired of being bludgeoned with misery. For 45 mins, you've gotta take it - we get it already, we're unhappy! But by the end of the movie, I was just angry and annoyed at the hamhanded voyeuristic pleasure the film seemed to take in human suffering. I didn't see a lesson here, just audience cruelty. The first half of the movie is wonderful, even for someone who doesn't like boxing movies. Turn it off when it starts going bad, it's not worth the rest.

*** out of *****

Kids find money, spend it

The intention of this tale is to be a charming, sweet, and moral lesson with religious overtones concerning how to be philanthropic. The plot is well-intentioned and mostly feel-good, tho interrupted occasionally by a dark subplot. Throughout are little touches of fantasy that makes it easy to watch. What keeps it from its potential are the stars themselves: the kids. Their acting reaches barely beyond the level of a grade school stage play. The lines are clearly recited (often heavily-accented and unintelligible) rather than performed, which makes it much harder to empathize. As well, the production tends to lose track of itself during the middle, like a dog who can't find the stick thrown by its owner. It sets up a number of scenarios, then either abandons them or resolves them without consequence as afterthoughts. Then, of course, you have all these dead Saints popping up and giving abstract advice without adding to or advancing the story in any way. A generally nice, but flawed film.

*** out of *****

A serial killer stalks police profilers

What starts out with a promising premise and rapid-fire setup turns into a relatively standard slasher film with inventive deaths. The movie relies on the concept of "profiling" to make it stand out from the rest of the pack, but gets too engrossed in various traps and unique ways of killing off the characters, eventually forgetting about what made it even slightly original. As a standard horror whodunnit, it's passable up to a point. It tend to lose the plot near the end with some scenes featuring questionable logic, and endcapping with one of the worst lines ever spoken with a straight face in a non-comedy - unintentional humor or deliberate hokeyness? Very, very average.

** out of *****

N/A

I'm pretty late on seeing this because my weekends have been packed. I thought Minority Report was a very entertaining fictional story with only a few minor bugs. Throughout much of the movie, I was pleasantly surprised by the amount of black humor embedded therein. In fact, many times I was reminded of Paul Verhoven's(sp?) work (Starship Troopers, Robocop) with the many sarcastic fake commercials and comedy. It had enough frequent twists and turns to maintain my interest, as well as some edge of your seat moments and was still a good detective story. The special FX were particularly well done, used minimally. Much of the movie was almost a greyscale with fuzzy imagery, which made for an interesting viewing experience. It almost seemed like the film was one big apology for screwing up AI. Much better job, Spielberg.

**** out of *****

Dali-esque Wizard of Oz-ish

This Henson production borrowed the look and feel from various films, including Wizard of Oz, Labyrinth, and many recent fantasy films. After the rather unappealing first 30 minutes, it's presented in a very nouveau, scuffed-looking film style, where everything is gray or brown and filled with CG imagery. On one hand, the look and feel is extraordinary, like watching a painting as a motion picture - it's really a piece of artwork in itself. On the other hand, artwork does not make for a good feature film, and it shows in the heavy-handed use of avant garde, but visually unappealing CG effects. The cats, for example, are all angles and uncanny valley-ish human faces. The characters are tolerable, but never really develop much and feel like afterthoughts. The story itself is a significant mishmash without definition or adequate exposition. It demonstrates the modern Henson tech, but is missing the great Henson storytelling. The George Lucas-like over-reliance on CG rather than handmade construction should be a concern for fans.

**1/2 out of *****

Palin does prostitutes

The second in our set of Michael Palin films is The Missionary, about a man of the cloth in turn of the century England who returns from Africa to a faulty relationship and is immediately reassigned to address the 'ladies of the night' problem in London. It features most of the same major players as 'A Private Function', including Maggie Smith and Denholm Elliot. It's also more humorous, with a few significantly colorful characters like the rich old British colonel, a classic stereotype I love to see done properly, with all the harumphs and cynical, crabby attitude ("What I think is wrong with the country today is that there aren't enough people chained up!"). Like the prior film, the ending leaves something to be desired in terms of satisfactory resolution. It's rather slow going and deeply dry in the ol' UK way, but it keeps its head above water enough times to elicit some good giggles and one or two outright laughs.

*** out of *****

The previous modern incarnations of the Mission Impossible films I've seen have never particularly had an impact in my mind. They were average spy/action movies that never really tried particularly hard. This third installment, however, is probably my favorite in the series so far. It's coherent, depicts the actors not as indestructible and irresistible superhuman forces, but rather as desperate, vulnerable people trying to escape from an impossible situation. There are still moments of incredulity, but for the most part it's more of an Indiana Jones feeling than a Vin Diesel feeling. The action is well-balanced and exciting, and the script is coherent for most of the film, although the big revelatory twists at the end threw me due to not quite enough exposition. The movie still winds up in the mostly forgettable category, but not because it was bad - moreso only due to it being too late in the franchise to make up for lost time.

**** out of *****

Barbie and Ken are assassins

Talk about your phone-in roles. if Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie put an ounce of acting skill into this film, then there would actually be a movie there. Instead, this film is about Brad and Angelina as famous people, not characters. The movie is aimed mainly at folks who read People magazine and the tabloids and want to see those two frolicking together for (exactly) two hours. They banter and snip at each other while replaying War of the Roses without much enthusiasm. An occasional blatantly scripted look of surprise or a Cover-Girl snarl. Oh, yes, and guns and action and chase scenes and particularly unbelieveable (as in 'not believeable') strike-a-pose shootouts. The film is cute, but it doesn't go much further than that. It doesn't even have an ending.

**1/2 out of *****

How candy is made

Most of us have a general idea of how candy gets made. It's often a big lump of sugar with a few other ingredients, cooked somehow, and then allowed to solidify. Pretty simple, right? Well, it's still fun to watch. Big, massive warehouse machinery, full of conveyor belts, mixers, sorters, cutters, wrappers, and other jumbo automated robots. You can almost hear "Powerhouse" from the classic cartoons playing in the background. Rivers of molten sugar. They also cover independent manufacturers who still make candy by hand and with ancient press machinery, as well as exotic candy such as those suckers that have bugs in them. Since a lot of the non-chocolate candy seems to be made the same way, in giant mixing bowls, there's some repetition. It's rather short (50 mins) and covers the basics, but it covers a fun topic.

**** out of *****

History Channel special on DW

This nearly two-hour special spends a lot of time discussing the history of Disney and select bits and tidbits of science behind some of the more popular and newer rides. When I say science, I mean you get the statistical details and visits down to giant banks of computers with blinky lights and such. One would've hoped that you'd get to learn more "secrets" of Disney, but this show was apparently intended for engineers. It's also nowhere near thorough, but then again Disney is quite a large place. If you're interested in a technical engineering overview of the place, it's a nice sample, but pass if you'd rather have a more sensational "Revealed!" kind of doc.

*** out of *****

Foreign films about remote cultures that we've watched have not tended to be particularly exciting, humorous, or much in the way of cures for insomnia. The story here about a boy living with his family in the widely unpopulated grasslands of Mongolia who finds a ping pong ball without knowing what it is, maintains many of those characteristics, but oddly enough manages to rise above on its cleverness, idealism, and real humor value. It's definitely not a laugh-a-minute, and the scenes still trend toward slow, lingering shots of scenery (and impressive looking scenery it is) even after all principal characters have abandoned the stage. However, the children and their gradual exposure to modern life which erodes their culture and friendships is compelling. The fact that the movie is laced with occasional, innocent, light humor that actually works across social boundaries certainly helps buoy the viewer's interest and tolerance. A subtle notch above other films in the same genre.

***1/2 out of *****

Japanese game shows can be really wacky. One of these in the 80's, Takeshi's Castle, featured zany comedy hosts, absurd homebrewed obstacle courses, and a hundred overly eager contestants trying to complete them - and often failing with peak physical humor value. If you watch an original episode of the series included on the DVD, it's already absurdly funny enough. However, there's still room for it to be ratcheted up to an even higher level, which this surprise-hit tv series does by re-editing and redubbing all the audio with new commentary from the "hosts". End result: a formidably guilty pleasure of MST3K-ing incredibly earnest and peppy people falling into ponds, mud, and otherwise suffering what appears to be embarassing examples of physical ineptitude. There probably should be some shame involved in deriving pleasure from other people's failures, but I was laughing too hard to spare the time. Oddly, this show, which debuted on TNN/Spike TV, was a favorite of the Clintons during Bill's presidency.

**** out of *****

Tracking down the masterminds behind the 1972 olympic terrorist attack

While this is a well-made film, it becomes more and more clear as it proceeds that it's a metaphor for America's response to the 9/11 attacks. The final scene showing the WTC towers makes that blatantly obvious. Until that tone asserts itself, however, the story remains mainly a spy thriller, with our protagonist chasing down suspected terrorism supporters throughout the world in retaliation for the olympic massacre. The film unfortunately does not have much of a goal. The main characters slip into a repeating cycle for which there doesn't appear to be an end for the viewer - hunt, find, kill, repeat. At nearly three hours in length, this gets a little worrisome at the halfway mark. While it does resolve, the moral it chooses detracts from the theme it began with. It's a strong story inspired by real events, but it feels like it's using one tragedy to protest another, to the detriment of the former. Fine filmmaking, but awkward intentions.

***1/2 out of *****

The title says it all

The real trick to this made-for-tv Muppet film is to see if you can sit through the nearly Muppet-less first 10 minutes, which start out, instantly from the fade-in, to a music video from Ashanti, our main character, complete with MTV-like credit in the bottom corner of the screen - ostensibly to sell her records. And that's pretty much the general gist of the whole performance. Muppets do their schtick, trying to conform to a totally out of place hip-hop/r&b star in their midst. Her purpose in the story is idiotic, so let's just not go there (hint: American Idol). Focusing (with great effort) on the Muppets side of things, there is humor to be had - some good, some bad. Unfortunately, the only character that's really up to snuff is Miss Piggy, who's in truly rare form even tho she's not voiced or performed by Frank Oz! Eric Jacobsen, performing her theatrics, steals the show. I only wish he put the same authenticity into Fozzie. The other characters put on halfhearted and second-tier performances, but still manage a gag or two. Be sure to watch the bloopers, which are probably funnier than the movie.

** out of *****

Paraplegic rugby

You've surely seen the sports films where a team works their way up the championship ladder against their nemesis, the team of bad guys. It all culminates in the two teams face to face at the big final match, and includes coaching drama, team spirit, and personal issues along the way. The focal point of Murderball is exactly that, only the sport is rugby and all the players are paraplegics. These guys are super-jocks, screaming, roaring, fighting, trash-talking, and beating the crap out of each other with their armored wheels on the playfield. Between all this are softer stories of the people driving the tanks, how they got this way, and others who aspire to their position. The experiences described really give a good idea of the emotional beating a person takes when they're forced to undertake the hardship of paralysis or the loss of limbs, in direct contrast to the can-do spirit that the sports-angle portrays. While I'm not one to talk, I had to question the parenting skills of some of the people depicted, which seemed exacerbated by the sport played. It's a well-made niche topic that you'll enjoy if you're interested, but less so if you're not.

***1/2 out of *****

Why are you reading this? You should be eating, finding a husband, and making babies!

This could very easily be confused with a Jewish family stereotype. The differences are very subtle and you have to have the experience to pick them out, bit in any case take that stereotype and blow it way out of proportion. From that you get a saccharine sweet and funny romantic comedy. Basically two opposites fall in love and the lady's diametically opposite family interferes. There's not real climactic familial struggle or heartwrenching moments. It's all one big running gag, a catastrophe teetering on the edge of happening. The scene with the cake is my favorite. :)

***1/2 out of *****

Atheist has to testify for his mother's sainthood

In various reviews and overviews, this film has been described as everything from a wacky comedy to a tense drama to a sorrowful screed. I think I could get into the tense drama aspect a little but, but on the whole this is just another standard foreign talky in the end. The performances are strong and the story starts out promising: the atheist protagonist must lie on his family's behalf to ensure his mother's sainthood in the church. Sets us up for some tense scenes and dialogue, right? In the beginning, it does, with the cardinal and the family matriarch. But meaningless scenes, irrelevant subplots, and questionable editing start to seep in, polluting the potentially hard-hitting story. By the end, the film is more concerned with dangling threads than the real goods, fails to resolve them comprehensibly, and ultimately just runs the credits in the middle of a scene, letting the viewer make their own decision about what he does. Great idea, but sloppy execution that appears apathetic to the concept.

** out of *****

Kids discover forest spirit

I know I'm late in the game and Miyazaki is all the rage nowadays, but I had the opportunity to see this for the first time so I said, "What the hell." The film is almost totally harmless in every way and the human characters are seemingly perpetually on nitrous oxide, as well as some other hallucinatory uppers. That's evident as the Alice-In-Wonderland style characters start cropping up. I've gotta give credit, the imagination that went into the film is a creative mix of spirituality, historical culture, whimsy, and absurdism. While the film is obviously geared towards kids, there's vague undertones of maturity, such as the mother's undisclosed illness or the search at the pond. It's a good film is you don't really want to be challenged much, although it lends itself heavily to MST3K-ing.

***1/2 out of *****

Sh*t happens.

Morally bankrupt. That's the best way I can think to describe the film. It tells a lovely story, throws in some thriller elements, decent acting, detective work, whodunnit - and then it ends without a resolution, the good guys not only losing, but *condoning* the crime! All the air is completely sucked from the movie with the complete and utter failure to provide a moral solution. It isn't even a story of evil triumphing, it's about mixed messages, terrible crimes, and total lack of closure. It's like watching a movie where the bad guy reaches the climax of his evil intent, kills the sidekick, conquers the world, and the good guy just goes 'eh.' The bad guy even feels guilt at his horrible misdeed...but gets over it without any sort of redemption. A total waste of celluloid with a totally inappropriate ending.

*1/2 out of *****