L

Many people refer to L.A. Confidential, a convoluted three-way detective story, as one of the best films of the 90's. I don't know about that, but it was fun to watch and had an excellent noir-ish script with a plot veiled in enough obfuscation to prevent giving itself away until the very end. There's a fine line between making the viewers so confused that they have to stop the movie to review the facts they know, and making them stop the film because they don't understand what's going on. Luckily, this is one of the former and we frequently spoke up to play detective along with the characters, trying to figure it out between ourselves before the climax. To me, that makes for a good plot and script. The characters themselves, while a hard-boiled bunch, are a bit lacking. Every single one is smooth and suave in the same way, which tends to give them a similarity and a superficiality. Kevin Spacey, while always fun to watch, stands out particularly because, like many Hollywood types with too much exposure, he performs as Kevin Spacey rather than someone in 50's Los Angeles. Great set pieces, music, and direction help keep you interested through the whole 135 minutes. Worth seeing.

**** out of *****

Firefighters and [Grampa Simpson] Deeeeeeeaath!

This movie starts out on decent footing and plods along with mild humor in a very predictable way. It experiences some general flaws that would keep it down to average enjoyability until you start to get a sense of the ambience the film is exuding. Gee, people get killed or maimed a lot. In fact, they spend about 5 minutes on a heroic rescue, then spend nearly 20 minutes on a huge, big-budget funeral scene with hundreds of actual emergency workers - and then they do it again! Between depicting firefighters as fratboy, bar-hopping drunks that crank out 2.5 kids with their domesticated wife who can't decide if she hates his job or martyrs herself for it, and repeatedly glorifying their accidental maiming and mutilation with manipulative hallmark scenes, there's really nothing left to the movie. It's post-9/11 propaganda that wraps itself in a fire truck and has the temerity to turn a funeral into a music video. The ending really drives home that this is a bad movie.

1/2 out of *****

Coen Bros remake of wacky crime caper

This film was panned pretty hard by critics and I'm not entirely sure why. The expectations of the film don't really get underway until the end of the picture, but the journey there is a characteristically genius production by the cast. Most players in Coen Bros movies are wildly colorful and this film is no exception - they're giggly so. The lone exception is the inclusion of a Wayans to up the language factor, which is disappointing. Otherwise, it's quite a madcap and likeable cast so full of cartoonish color that you don't usually see in films - unless they're cartoons.

**** out of *****

Third installment in Vengeance trilogy

The last film in the 3-part Korean vengeance-based trilogy from Chan-wook Park follows the same general idea of the first two: an individual is horribly wronged and seeks revenge in a particularly shocking manner, only to learn that revenge, while sweet, is bad karma. In this case, a middle-aged woman is blackmailed into serving an extensive prison sentence for a murder she didn't commit. Again, there is almost no action-violence, yet plenty of situational bloodletting. This is probably the least gory of the three, since most of the harm is implied rather than directly displayed. Nonetheless, the revenge met here is probably the most satisfying of the three films to the viewer. There's still a smattering of dark humor strewn about and heavy-handed use of clever and fun CG camera tricks. The film is marred some dialogue repeated from the first film which is supposed to be an in-joke, but just comes across as lazy. As well, the ending post-climax is dragged out worse than LotR - every time it should end, it doesn't. I'm not sure if the final scene was meant to be funny or meaningful, but we laughed. If the brutality presented in the series wasn't so harsh, I'd probably buy the set.

***1/2 out of *****

Fourth film in '...of the Dead' series

Gore galore. If you can't do gore, stop right here and go rent Bambi 2. The saving grace is that it's fun gore. What's fun gore, you might ask? It's where the entrails fly so fast and furious, so overly in-your-face, that it feels straight out of a comic book, intended to laughably squick but not emotionally scar. People come apart like a Boston Market chicken. What also helps is that the movie is so black-humored that it's nearly a comedy - in fact, some scenes are clearly played for laughs. Many times, we found ourselves giggling while we said "Eeewwww!" at the same time. It's a great film to talk at while you watch and highly resembles its predecessor, Day of the Dead. Other than the bits and pieces, it's significantly an action/adventure with a heavy Mad Max-style environment. It's lacking a tad in climax or energetic performances from the main castmembers. Still, it's great if you like the horror-comedy genre. Watch for Tom Savini (obvious) and the stars of Shaun Of The Dead (not so obvious) in zombie cameos. The DVD extras are worth seeing, too.

***1/2 out of *****

How a set of people's lives intertwine as the end of the world approaches.

This film runs like a slow-paced Miracle Mile, one of our favorite films. It deals a lot with coincidental meetings and chance encounters. The movie runs pretty slowly, with a lot of drawn out conversations and black humor. Only the barest hints are given why the end of the world will happen at midnight and the chaos inherent with such an event is treated as mostly background noise. Blockbuster and Video Warehouse didn't carry it, but we found it in a teeny rental place and snatched it up. Good thinking movie, if you can stay awake.

**1/2 out of *****

Unicorn searches for other unicorns

Many people who've seen this animated film say that you should have a box of Kleenex handy. I think the film has dated itself since its original release in 1982 and I didn't require tissues, but I can see where it would come from. There is a very good movie deep inside this film, but it's marred by, among other things: low animated framerate, fuzzy matte painting, painful musical numbers, and a druggy nonsensical beginning. The animation style takes a while to get used to. Characters appear and disappear without development, merely to introduce a plot element. Scenes tend to occur abruptly and end just as quickly. The circus scene is excellent, but that's the high point. It also features quite an all-star cast. The film is rated G, but it shows how draconian the MPAA has gotten in rating films - this movie might be PG-13 or R today due to nekkidness, character deaths, and violence, albeit bloodless. You can also wait for the 2006 live-action remake, featuring all the original voice actors playing the characters.

**1/2 out of *****

Conversion: bad idea

Here's a joke, a gay guy and a Mormon walk into a bar... Wait, that's not funny. Or, at least, in this movie, the consequences aren't funny. What starts out as a pretty snappy, one-liner comedy becomes a heavy burden of drama and Kleenex later in the film. It doesn't particularly portray Mormons in a flattering light, so religious-types should stay away. It's very touching, both in emotional terms and the amount of flesh onscreen. I can't remember when I last saw full-frontal on a non-X rental video. The cast is good but very inconsequential to the main two players that retain the focus throughout. Probably one of the better gay movies I've seen recently.

**** out of *****

Drug dealer needs to make one last sale before going clean

In the same vein of Guy Ritchie's "Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels" and "Snatch", this film tries to reproduce the experience by using that same flavor plus a little bit of Ocean's Eleven into it. But what comes out is an incredibly complicated and often vicious film. We had to stop the movie several times and compare notes to figure out what was going on - subtitles really help with the hard accents. Additionally, the story pushes the violence envelope just a little too far in trying to be realistic, where its predecessors went more the comic-book styled route. If you can track the script through it's extensive cast, obfuscating side-stories, and rapid-fire dialogue, there's a rather cool anti-hero adventure to be told. However, the film commits hara-kiri at the end, completely changing the tone of everything that came before it, basically giving the audience the finger. While what happens works in some other films, it's just not welcome here. A significant disappointment that will make you want to select the alternate endings that the DVD provides, instead.

*** out of *****

Exchange student's year in Spain.

When I was 17, I spent a month in Spain as an exchange student, too, but my life wasn't anything like this poor kid. The essence of young adult immaturity, both the positives and the negatives, are captured excellently in this film. Our hero manages to entwine himself in dramas both inside the apartment with his likeable cast of multilingual students, as well as outside with his romantic adventures. The film's got a bit of everything - humor, drama, romance, suspense... Sometimes you can't even tell what language the film is in because they switch from German to Spanish to French to English rapidly. It's a nice light foreign film for buffs who enjoy a good slice-of-life story.

*** out of *****

Classic characters in a super-hero team up!

Two words: Potential and Overkill. The film had potential - HUGE potential. The characters are extremely cool and seeing them (or reinterpretations thereof) together like that in a classical setting was like a comic book dream (actually, it is from a comic book). The interactions are oftentimes priceless and each new character is a giggly delight if you're new to the premise. However, the film thinks that since it has license to swing the characters around to its heart's content, it can wig out on the story, too. This is where the breakdown begins. The film is fun, more fun, way fun, and then goes over the top and breaks the suspension of disbelief barrier with Looney Tunes preposterousness, actions and events without explanation, and CG overdose. While the film is loads of fun, it's an opportunity lost when, with a bit of restraint, it could've been a fantasy classic.

***1/2 out of *****

Documenting the PBA turnaround

There's been a recent slew of documentaries covering eccentric competetive sports and their equally-eccentric individual players. This film applies that formula to bowling and its turnaround year in 2003. Several Microsoft ex-employees bought the PBA (didja know?) and brought back the bowling legends of the 70s and 80s to kick start the sport again. It covers the season leading up to the world championships and the paths of four aging champs through the season, leading up to the finals. You've got the young dad, the blue-collar loner, the crude commercial jock, and the graceful ex-champ - a pretty stereotypical collection. If you like bowling, this is moderately fun, tho it focuses largely on personal dramas like a reality show. Drop it one star if bowling isn't your thing.

*** out of *****

Sequel to Mask of Zorro

What to expect? More Banderas, more Zorro, more madcap action/adventure. If you enjoyed the first one, here's more of the same. Different bad guys, somewhat bigger budget. It's as if this one was made right after the previous one, even though there's been almost six years between them in real time. Some minor differences include Catherine Zeta-Jones getting more into the action/humor act, playing off of Banderas to generate more quips and silly scenes. Also, standard methodology for sequels, a child is thrown into the mix to make the series more accessible to families (it's rated PG, tho the violence seems excessive at times). It's still fun, but suffers from classic sequel-itis, in that it's more cartoony, rushed, fluffier, and meaningless to the mythos than the original.

*** out of *****

Rep. Barney Frank and the Clinton impeachment

It's taken so long for this documentary to be released that the subject matter is already dated. It jumps back and forth between interviews with Rep. Barney Frank, an out-of-the-closet congressman from Massachusetts, and the Clinton impeachment hearings, focusing on Frank's involvement therein. The man talks very fast and is very witty, many times making humorous snarky comments in both interviews and the hearings themselves. The documentary depicts a standard gay guy who came out in his political career. There's not much in the way of scandal or hardship covered, it's really just a cameraman following him around for a while. From the low-budget quality of the film, it appears it was filmed entirely in handicam, sometimes pointed at a tv set where the audio is nearly unintelligible, and the interviews are shot in annoying front-then-side images. It's interesting and mildly funny if you're into GLBT activism or just want to know more. But don't expect Oscar material.

*** out of *****

Ever since Lewis Black started appearing in small 1-2 minute segments on the Daily Show, we've loved him. Not necessarily because of his rantings, which anyone can scream and rave incoherently on, but because of his hilarious presentation and comic timing. Black is a cranky, grumpy cartoon character, like Oscar The Grouch all grown up. He flails futilely at annoying things we can't get away from. He gets it all out of our system for us. Unlike those who rant for the purpose of inciting a mob, Black turns our frustrations into laughter, which blow away in the wind, a healthy outlet. Of his three HBO projects, Unleased is the first, featuring three 20-minute acts that tend to be hit or miss. There are a few real gems in here, but you have to wait for them. The DVD also includes all the Comedy Central segments from the 2004 election, which unfortunately aren't that great. Additionally included on the DVD is a 30-minute college presentation on Taxes, which is better and still a good bonus. Black On Broadway is the comedian hitting his stride. It's a polished presentation that really starts exposing the man as a true political humorist. Unfortunately, the DVD has absolutely nothing else on it. The most recent release, Red, White, And Screwed, is probably the best one, featuring targets all across the social and cultural spectrum, with pretty much no holds barred and likely the most laughs per disc of any of the three. The DVD bonus features are also of the best quality here.

***1/2 (Unleashed), ***1/2 (Black On Broadway), **** (Red, White, And Screwed)

Satire of Jacques Cousteau documentaries

I don't know what classification this film fits under. Parody? Satire? Mockumentary? It's obviously riffing on Cousteau films, right down to the silly hats the whole crew wears. But there's also a blend of Yellow Submarine mixed in and some unique Wes Anderson touches recognizeable from his prior films. Unfortunately, the energy level of both the film and the characters can only be described in one word: pathetic. Not insultingly, the characters are just kinda sad, resigned, and generally individually uninspired. They trudge through the film without any real third dimension. Bill Murray is particularly blase and one wonders if he will ever make us laugh again, because he sure doesn't in this film. Billed as a comedy, there's remarkably little funny here, and even less to actually care about.

** out of *****

N/A

I was feeling very on-the-fence about seeing this one. On one hand, Disney had been firing blanks for some time, and I really had no reason to trust my money to another formulaic, artificial-weepy gamble with bad animation, yadda yadda yadda. Then again, the previews looked clever and ingenious, and the subject matter seemed original enough and had the good 'ol comedy schtick I used to remember. Well, good thing I kept on the bright side, cos this was a really great film. What's it like? Imagine "Heavy Metal", the movie. Now pretend that Disney made it, instead. And used Elvis music. You'd have Lilo & Stitch. Ratcheted up just slightly, but noticeably, in subtle adult humor, yet still maintaining the sappy family-values morals of Disney films. The characters were very enjoyable and the most real (relatively speaking) of any Disney characters I'd seen portrayed in the past. No goofy singing bits, yay! Maybe they're finally getting the picture that we've been crammed so full of musicals, we've had just about enough...
Critique: Too many extended heartstring-tugging sequences. A few are requisite, but when you get past five, it starts becomming monotonous. That needed balancing. Otherwise, tho, I couldn't find all that much wrong with the film. Pretty darn entertaining. Let's hope this is the start (well, way into the start already) of a good movie summer.

***1/2 out of *****

TLK from Timon & Pumbaa's POV

Have you seen the Timon & Pumbaa tv show? It's pretty funny. This is it, stretched to 90 minutes. I'll give credit where credit's due, it was pretty funny because that's what it's supposed to be. The original was a family adventure, but this one is an outright self-parody. They even brought back most of the original voices, tho nearly all are so minimized that they were probably phoned in. As a parody, the musical numbers tend to turn awkward rather than fitting, and by the end credits, you've just about had all you can take of the meerkat and warthog. Still, if you're a fan of the original, it's oddly satisfying and seeing Simba roar on Pride Rock at the end gave me chills all over again. Ignore the last 60 seconds of the film, tho - pandering Disney corporate commercialism.

***1/2 out of *****

I have a weakness for the Die Hard franchise, which is why I succumbed to the desire to see this one in theaters (as well as the generally positive reviews it was receiving). The John McClane character is so much more fun to watch because of his fallibility and humanity, unlike most other action stars in films of late. And, boy oh boy, is there a lot of action in this movie. The car chases alone hearken back to the good 'ol days. In fact, you know what? Die Hard 4 shows us exactly what's wrong with action movies today precisely because it does things right. Mostly. The chases, gunfights, and general mayhem isn't watered down by romance, needless subplots, or other diversions. True, the comic relief is weak and questionably necessary as an everpresent figure, and the climactic action scene diverges from the norm and goes way over-the-top, and the bad guy is just...lame. But it feels right for the most part, anyway. It's good to see John McClane again, doing what he does, even if he is a little slower, a little more tired. He's still getting the crap beaten out of him, ranting angrily at nobody in particular, and just barely surviving endless impossibly dangerous situations with a few bullets and giant explosions. And we love him for it.

**** out of *****

The trials of making an indie film

An independent film itself, the movie tells the story of a director's attempt to film a single scene for his movie. Or three scenes, depending how you look at the film. It's got a gimmick to it that is borderline obnoxious, yet works perfectly considering the final third of the film. Steve Buscemi works great and his manic demeanor is always entertaining to watch. The rest of the crew is equally diverse and strongly caricatured so they stand out individually instead of blending into the background. The best part is that the film is immensely funny in a situational way rather than via dialogue. The filmmaking process is depicted as zany and almost madcap. In all, it's quaint and humble, yet provides quality entertainment, even if the ending isn't quite as high a note as one would hope considering the rest. This is going on my to-buy list.

****1/2 out of *****

Escaping death-at-30 society

I gotta say it: the movie looks like Star Trek: The Original Series. Even the characters look and sound like they stepped out of an Austin Powers movie. Moving past that, however, this is actually a pretty good movie. The characters are energetic and the settings are colorful and inventive for their day. The outdoor areas are quite neat, too. While the FX leaves something to be desired, the story stays interesting throughout. If you watch the DVD Special Edition, you even get an orgy scene. :)

***1/2 out of *****

Documentary on Superman

Clearly, this doc was released to coincide with and probably support the advertising of the recent Superman Returns film, especially since it's narrated by Kevin Spacey. Luckily, that has no bearing on the quality. In two solid hours of information, you get everything including inception, comic strips, radio, tv, actors, comics, movies, stage plays, memorabilia, historians - more hard info than you can shake a stick at. Spacey's narrating is easy to listen to and the data is provided in concise fashion without being either overdramatized or boring, as long as you're originally interested in the subject matter. It does tend to overbalance a bit on the more modern incarnations and recent events, including putting too much emphasis on the new movie which only received lukewarm praise, but it doesn't overshadow the rest of the piece. Deeply thorough, informative, and enjoyable for fans.

**** out of *****

One giant commercial.

After 20 minutes, when the midgets in Yosemite Sam masks were dancing around Heather Locklear in her underwear, I turned to xydexx and whispered, "This movie officially sucks." Bugs burps. Taz farts. 90% of the gags are ripped off and mimicked badly. The human actors are totally unmemorable at best and cringe-ful to watch *kafstevemartinkaf* at worst. Yet again, Hollywood thinks monkeys are funny (no offense to particular green ones). The characters are too frequently way out of character. The FX is often visibly dated. The jokes aren't funny. The plot is frequently non-sequitur. The commercial pandering is shameless. The cameos aren't. The film's writer quit because of the artistic(?) direction and it ended up being scripted by 29 different people! The director makes so many Gremlins references, it seems the film is an egotistical homage to himself. There are a (very) few bright spots, such as Bugs' shower scene, but it's otherwise just plain bad. Space Jam bad. I am now convinced that these characters are gone forever.

*1/2 out of *****

Guess.

Well, here it is, the final chapter. Was it really all that? Yes and no. Yes, this was a kick-ass ending. The audience was cheering, the FX were mostly stunning, and the script was engrossing. However, if you remove the action sequences and FX, is there a movie left? Sure, but it's not quite as swift as initially thought. Gimli and Legolas are wasted, throwaway characters, getting less than five minutes of forefront screentime. Speaking of Legolas, Hollywood needs to realize that they have not mastered digitally CG'ing a human being performing impossible acrobatics - it looks atrocious. Scenes tended to cut right in the middle of dramatic battles, chopping off the adrenalin rush. The battle with the oliphaunts was unmistakeably colored by Empire Strikes Back. The plot was essentially a been-there, done-that rehash of Two Towers. The ninth or tenth time Frodo fell down and Samwise cried over him started to encourage me to check my watch. Not quite as much as the when-will-it-end ending, tho, that faded back in so many times, the audience was laughing. Anyway, this was still quite a good, exciting and acceptable finish to the series, but it just wasn't perfect.

**** out of *****

Guess.

The key feature of this film was not the battles or the settings. Been there, done that. Golum ran away with the show as the best-animated CG character I've ever seen. Unfortunately, that's pretty much all the film had to stand on. With 15 minutes of exposition, movie #1 could've gone straight on to #3 without #2. Nothing happened in The Two Towers. It ends almost exactly where it began. Throw in logical plot holes, giveaways in the trailer, questionable character decisions, unexplained deus ex machinas, overpredictability...and it becomes a 3 hour endurance race of "get on with it!" Yes, the scenery was grand and the battles epic, but plot-wise, they were portrayed unspectacularly. I certainly hopes #3 picks up on the ingenuity again. This one doesn't deserve the Oscar that #1 did.

*** out of *****

Life of a gun runner

Most of the politically-oriented films I've seen lately have been documentaries that require a certain tolerance for non-fiction facts thrown at you without much of a story, plot, or usually even excitement. It's good to see that some issues are being presented in a format that is more accessible to the standard filmgoer. In this case, the issue is arms dealing, both legal and illegal, endorsed and participated in clandestinely by the permanent members of the UN council, including the US. The issue is based on real events, but is told as a fictional biopic of Nicholas Cage as a gunrunner from the early 80's to today as he's chased by a persistent ATF agent. While not action-oriented, this is often a tense political thriller with Cage as the anti-hero and it broadcasts a clear anti-government message. What keeps me from giving it five stars is mostly Cage, himself. In every movie he's in, he acts the exact same way: tired, bored and uninterested with both his situation and the script he's been handed. He reads his lines like he'd rather be anywhere else, almost apathetically. The film also gets a little overeager by making the statement that gunrunning will ruin your family and children and parents, etc - but I have a feeling that these sort of people actually do pretty well for themselves. A political movie that's actually fun to watch.

**** out of *****

Dean Cain gets lost in the desert

This direct-to-video feature looked good from the description. A guy gets lost driving in the desert and is chased by a mysterious stranger. Alas, like most direct-to-video ventures, the expectation does not stand up to the reality. Yes, Dean Cain gets lost in the desert - but that's pretty much all the movie is. He drives, talks on his cel phone, drives some more, drives, talks, drives, drives, talks, drives, etc. The only other major character in the film is the "mysterious stranger", who's really not particularly mysterious since all is revealed within the first 30 minutes. It's actually Danny Trejo, one of my favorite bad guys from films like Desperado and From Dusk Till Dawn - you've seen him in many movies, you just don't realize it (look him up on IMDB, he's in *sixteen* movies awaiting release). Now the bad news: he phoned in his role. His entire act is his voice on the phone. You see him once from behind, and it's obviously not him, and once momentarily reflected in a car's windshield - it's easy to believe they just held up his promo photo. The film sets itself up as a grand chase/mystery/thriller, but once you realize that there are no plans to actually carry it out and the budget is about a nickel, it loses its shine.

** out of *****

Murphy's Law in action.

Poor Terry Gilliam. He's been planning to make The Man Who Killed Don Quixote for the better part of a decade. It had great actors, a fantastically whimsical plot, and looked to be another stunning hit. But, alas, as this documentary shows, the best laid plans... A sobering lesson in catastrophe. You can't help but laugh at some of the calamity as the entire attempt sinks into the mire. It's also one of the best in-depth looks at the detail behind what goes into making a film. It trails off into doldrums on occasion, but is mostly engaging.

***1/2 out of *****

Two people wander around Tokyo.

Maybe this movie is better on drugs, but I think, even wasted, you'd lose interest. This is a nothing movie. It's an advertisement for a Tokyo vacation more than any coherent plot. Take two bland, characterless people. Then bore them. Then put them together to wander around Tokyo, do stuff, and talk about nothing, if they talk to each other at all. That's the movie. There's no development, no climax, no conflict. It's a drama, but it's totally anti-dramatic. This movie will put you to sleep.

*1/2 out of *****

Spoof and homage to 50s sci-fi movies

When this movie originally got its widest release, critics complained that they couldn't tell whether this film was a spoof or an homage because it was often so bad that it was indistinguishable from an actual bad 50's sci-fi b-film. I was concerned I'd be unable to tell, myself, and be bored. I'm happy to say that, watching this very late at night and in a cynical mood makes this an absolutely hysterical and almost sarcastic swing at the genre. The actors deliberately play badly exactly on the fine line avoiding Zucker parody and too-subtle in-jokes to make it dead-on biting cornball. The film is intensely quotable (I've been going "rowr" for days - "I'll make a date from four different forest animals!"). It's also so low-budget ($40K) that it watches like Clerks. It's definitely a you-get-it-or-you-don't film. I get it, and I'm gonna get it (on DVD), too.

**** out of *****

The making of Zumanity

This isn't your typical documentary. Where many docs involve narration, external observation, and factual details, this one, exploring behind the scenes of Cirque du Soleil's adult show in Vegas, Zumanity, is told in the form of reality television. It focuses on the people in the show, following a handful of them around through their lives without commentary during the months leading up to the premiere presentation. It reveals the ordinariness of some of the performers, the exotic deviancy of others, and a bit of stereotype validation in the form of narcissism, airheadedness, snobbery, and multiple hedonistic orgies. I'm not sure if the film was meant to show the fragile humanity of the performers (they're just like you and me!), because it didn't quite make it. Being driven around in limos, free homes, glamorous parties, strippers, and sex in sin city pretty much validates preconceived notions. Did I mention nudity, and the copious amounts therein? It tries to end on a happy note, but the summary is a bit of a letdown. Good for encouraging dreamy fantasies, but not so good to see Zumanity's real humanity.

**1/2 out of *****