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Existential mess

For the uninformed, the title is spoken "I *heart* Huckabees". It's one of those films that doesn't so much feature dialogue as it does some general things they want the actors to say, then they let them sorta improv their way through it, talking over each other, stuttering, trying to inject some sort of conversational realism into a fiction. This results in a mess. The entire movie sounds like people arguing with each other, not letting anyone get a word in edgewise. The only emotion is determined enthusiasm, like trying to maintain control at a board meeting. The plot isn't any better. Seems someone had lofty philosophical ideas and wanted to communicate them in the form of a movie - but when you dilute that message with celebrities and a deeply uninteresting and inexplicable plot, nothing comes across. It's also billed as a comedy - they try, but it's just not funny.

* out of *****

I wasn't particularly thrilled with the original Ice Age debut. This one isn't an improvement. Clearly, with the exception of the generation-spanning loony humor of Scrat, it's aimed squarely at the 5-12 year old crowd. It's also surprisingly blatant in its laziness, filling nearly half the film with jokes, gags, and situations stolen from far better films. Dancing primitive cults were already done in The Wild and Madagascar, for example. As well, plot holes apparently don't matter when you're a tween, so the film does nothing to alleviate them. Crises seem contrived and predicatbility reigns. The only bright spot is beloved Scrat who, while unlikely able to carry on an entire movie by himself, steals the show repeatedly, and is featured in an animated short on the DVD that's better than the entire film. If only that zaniness could infect the rest of the production.

** out of *****

Black comedy crime caper

The best part of this film is Oliver Platt who plays a drunk guy who pukes in his friend's car. That's pretty much a statement on how engaging the rest of the film is when the vomiting brings in the best laughs. The other actors put minimal enthusiasm into their respective parts, telling a story of embezzlement, crosses, and double-crosses. It thinks it's being clever, but most of the twists are telegraphed a mile away, and the big one at the end if delivered so slowly that there's no surprise at all. Even Billy Bob Thornton seems subdued in his role. There's really not much more to say for this merely passable crime caper. It's not a bad movie because the lines, script, or plot aren't delivered poorly - just unmemorably. There's some mild dark humor, a good dose of skin, a bit of buddy movie, and some romance. It's just a movie to see - or not.

**1/2 out of *****

Who gets it next at the Motel 6?

The trailers and word-of-mouth certainly made this film sound interesting. However, the result is just one big cop-out with no resolution. Sure, the characters are likable and the story is engaging, but then the hammer drops and turns the entire film worthless. In retrospect, the scary parts weren't even scary - it was just a macabre gallery of watching nice people getting killed in gruesome ways. At the end of the day, the result of the movie is a cheap and pointless slaughterfest with a completely wasted ending.

** out of *****

If you've never seen the short films of Bill Plympton, then you're really missing out. His animated interludes first garnered attention in travelling Tournees in the 90's before he was picked up for tv and commercials. They're either slapstick silly or raunchy sex jokes. This, his 1997 full-length film, falls significantly in the latter category. It's pure clowning, of course, not designed for X-rated pleasure, but more for silliness. A guy gets the powers to metamorphose into anything he wants and uses it on his freaked-out wife, while he's hounded by a greedy corporation who wants those powers. It includes some musical numbers, too, which, with the exception of the first one, are mostly plain filler. Also, while Plympton's short films are the perfect length, his animation and humor isn't really suited to a full feature. Things tend to drag and wander into contrived absurdist territory towards the end. Still, it's a unique viewing experience that I'd recommend for pure weirdness sake, and definitely for Plympton completists.

***1/2 out of *****

Italian thriller with kids

As with most foreign films, this one moves slower than American cinema and relies more heavily on interpersonal drama than what the film actually requires to be the thriller it stakes itself out to be. It's creepy in parts, but those parts are spaced widely by self-promotional shots of countryside and country life which may provoke nationalism in Italians, but mostly "That's nice *yawn*" in the rest of the world. If you can hang on through the slow bits, there's an interesting story to be had that evolves into a somewhat painful exercise in maintaining both childhood and mature values and actions. Right through to the end of the movie, you don't know how it's going to turn out. I kept saying, "I hope this movie has a happy ending." If you can handle the artsy parts and ethnic cultures, it's a decent tale.

*** out of *****

The importance of not using pseudonyms.

The retelling of a classic Oscar Wilde story about the hazards and benefits of fiction. You have to both like Oscar Wilde's dry, deadpan humor and Victorian era themes. If you're still in the game, then this is a very funny, quick moving story. Very light and enjoyable. It also co-stars one of my favorite actors, Dame Judy Dench who is at her english best. The one-liners are half the movie's entertainment.

***1/2 out of *****

N/A

What a total shame. While the plot had major holes, they could still be overlooked as bad fictional coincidences. And the sets they used were very thorough and visually perfect for the world this movie was based in. Even the script was great right up to the ending, decent chase/action-adventure/sci-fi. And then the ending...what happened??? It's like they only had enough money to either run the movie for another 30 minutes but have a drama ending, or just end it in 5 minutes, inexplicably, and blow the whole budget. They chose the latter, and the ending makes no sense. I've quizzed other people and no one understands it. Kills the whole movie.

*1/2 out of *****

A documentary about a documentary

This is actually a mockumentary, something of a cross between Forgotten Silver, Peter Jackson's fake doc, and Lost In La Mancha, a doc of Terry Gilliam's tragic attempt to film Man Of La Mancha. The first half of the film starts off very slowly. They slip in some famous faces like Jeff Goldblum to try and hold the viewer's interest, but one could easily fall asleep. It's only around the halfway mark that things start to ramp up. By the last third, it's become a horror movie, both technically and literally as things that have already gone irrevocably wrong start to go lethally wrong, both technically and literally. The film really hands the viewer a curveball and the two halves are like different movies altogether. It's a rather unique experience that's worth checking out if you can bear through the style and first half.

*** out of *****

Comic book by Pixar

As many people have already said, this is a very good movie. It's not as funny as previous Pixar films which tended to be a laugh-a-minute, the characters designed with hysteria in mind (Dory, Buzz Lightyear, etc). What it lacks in humor, however, it makes up in style and class. Pacing, rhythm, action, and timing are dead-on without exception. The animation is highly stylized, yet entirely believeable, proving Pixar is the bleeding-edge of CG. While entirely worth the price of admission, this is not Pixar's best film. Much of the first half of the film watches like a tv sitcom - ordinary life doesn't lend well to CG animation. As well, some of the homages overwhelm the film, such as the long-winded bow to Return of the Jedi and Episode 1. The ending is beyond predictable, almost lazy. Finally, if you know your comic books, *everything* is a rip-off, and that kinda grates. Most of this can be overlooked enough to still make this a great film, tho. The animated short ahead of the film, Boundin', is cute, but also sub-par to previous efforts, feeling pre-school. The trailer for their next film, Cars, also looks unpleasantly like Thomas, the Train Engine.

**** out of *****

Another documentary about debt, piggybacking on the release of Maxed Out. I don't know the connection between these two films or why they were both released with the same subject matter in the same year, but this is definitely the lesser of the two. Danny Schechter, an unshaven, dishevelled, Michael Moore wannabe who looks like he just woke up in every scene, visits many of the same agencies as in Maxed Out. They even use the exact same ancient educational video, right down to the individual snippets. While the informational content of the film is equally valuable, it's pretty much the same stuff, with the exception of covering more government figures. Pacing is off, segments are separated by overlong montages mixed with wearying songs about debt, and the DVD dumps into the chapter menu after the opening. Overall equally educational, but with lower production values and less professionalism.

**1/2 out of *****

3rd film in John Carpenter's Apocalypse trilogy

The only other horror film I've seen Sam Neill in is Event Horizon (another cheesy goodie), so watching him in this borderline schlockfest is a treat. It's not so much a horror film as it is an adventure movie. Any gore, of which there isn't much, is incidental. The rest of it watches like a Stephen King book reads. Of course, it's deliberately supposed to since the film is an homage to King's work. There are a few requisite jump-at-ya scares, but it's otherwise very dark humored and fun to watch. I'm a little disappointed that it ends without a resolution or more of a window on what the climax of the film actually wreaked, tho.

*** out of *****

Mild bank robbery movie

Directed by Spike Lee, this police detective story set in a timeline during a bank robbery stars Denzel Washington, Jodie Foster, and Willem Dafoe in competent, but altogether uninspiring or standout performances. There isn't a whole lot of emotion carried around and it often feels a bit more procedural than entertaining. Lee's racial commentary is clearly visible peppered throughout the script, but they don't really feel like they belong there. There seems to be a statement he wants to make, but it is never quite clear what that is. There is, of course, a few twists to prevent things from becoming too formulaic, but they're not stunning in any way. More of an "oh, so that's what happened" than any sort of "jeepers, I never saw that coming!" Anyway, no one says "jeepers". A number of plot threads remain disappointingly unexplored. Even the wrapup is lazy, setting up a conclusion but never following through, leaving the viewer wondering if the editing room was a mite overzealous. It's a competent cop story, but it never really rises beyond by-the-numbers adequacy.

*** out of *****

How to dig your own grave in Alaska.

I can't tell very much about this film without giving away major plot twists because they happen so fast into the film. Basically, two cops, under investigation for fraud themselves, investigate a murder in Alaska. Things happen, and one of them just makes a big mess, then can't get himself out of it. Robin Williams plays the bad guy(?) in a semi-glaze, as if he just phoned in the role. Al Pacino, also glazed, does the same. The film is driven pretty much by plot alone. Unfortunately, you have to dodge the plot holes along the way, as well. In the end, the trip is worth it, but the destination is less than fulfilling.

*** out of *****

Vaguely fantasy/crime story of luck-stealing.

Now here's a pretty unique idea, like a cross between The Running Man, The Cooler, and Reservoir Dogs. A guy who can steal other people's luck has to endure a series of contests in order to become the king of luck by defeating the contest's originator. The film takes place in Spain and alternates between English and Spanish. It's dark, gritty, and noir. While it doesn't have big FX, famous actors, or an explosive ending, it's still pretty taut suspense and maintains your interest level. Worth a look for something different.

*** out of *****

Things happen to some people.

Stuff happens to a bunch of people. Oh, you need more than that? Some stuff happens to a bunch of people, but it's portrayed in such an MTV, handicam, wild-take manner that you don't really care. Even if you could care, you wouldn't be able to understand anyone. The Irish accents are so thick that I considered turning the subtitles on. An example of one of the characters' iconic crises: she has a faint moustache. Even Colm Meaney and Colin Farrel couldn't arouse my interest in that. A whole slew of generally blase and often unlikeable characters are introduced throughout the first hour of the film. They're never developed much so you have no one to really focus on. By the end of the film, they've crossed paths a bunch of times and each of their tepid storylines have reached conclusions which leave them no better off than when they started except for a few cliched new girlfriends and vague moral lessons. Only worth watching if you like that kinda thing.

*1/2 out of *****

Political thriller at the UN

With the right spit and polish, this could've been a very tense and exciting political suspense movie in a relatively unique setting. There's a lot of intrigue, twists, and even a few edge of your seat moments. These are lost, however, in the films flaws, the least of which is the dehydrated script which makes no attempt to fill with life and draw the audience in, remaining dry and technical. The deep accents of the characters are also sometimes hard to follow, especially with all the mumbling. The ending is predictable and has been done many times before. The pseudo-romantic subplot with Kidman and Penn is unnecessary, which leads to the most obnoxious transgression: they use dead air for filler. Conversations that should take sixty seconds last five minutes and, while clearly an attempt to humanize the characters, simply aren't convincing. With some heavy editing, the film could be twice as fun and nearly half as long. Overall, it results in a rather mediocre thriller that allows you to take a nap between scenes.

**1/2 out of *****

The war between two experts at infidelity

If you liked George Clooney's performance in O Brother and the Coen brothers' brand of comedy, this is a great film for you. Witty, snappy and slick dialogue is both expertly delivered and hysterically funny. As well, the film is loaded with top-quality, brilliantly colorful characters who are just loaded to the gills with...character! However, nothing is perfect, and when you ride that high, you fall pretty hard. The ending is not only anticlimactic - it's inexplicable. The characters' pivotal turn in the climax gets an F for being totally opaque. If you don't understand the solution, the entire thing seems like a waste of effort because there's no satisfactory payoff. With a better ending, this would've been a keeper. Without it, it's just a good comedy routine.

*** out of *****

Various fairy tale characters interact in the woods

I don't get the opportunity (or the money) to see major stage productions that often, so I have to wait until they appear on DVD. In this case, I think pretty much everyone has seen some or all of Into The Woods except me, so I wanted to play catch up. The performance is very professional with quality vocal treatments by each of the actors. Clearly, tho, Bernadette Peters as the witch stands out from them, giving a Brooklyn-tinged routine of snark that gets the majority of laughs. While the story is interesting and humor is sprinkled lightly throughout, it tends to get buried by the show's length. The first act, at 90 minutes, is a complete theatrical play in itself - when they conclude it, you're ready to turn it off only to discover that it's only intermission! Thus, the rest of the performance tends to drag, particularly since the second act includes the vast majority of slow, mournful songs and concludes on a level that isn't really on par with the first half. Worth seeing if you haven't, but not particularly rewatchable.

*** out of *****

Hip-hop MTV-stylin' police detective in the wrong movie

What do you get when you cross Star Trek and House Party? You get I, Robot. The film is visually spectacular with absolutely awesome FX. The action scenes are great fun and it's got a truly palpable climax. Every scene holds the viewers interest. The robot character, Sonny, is very likeable. Everything about this movie smells of summer blockbuster. EXCEPT WILL SMITH. What is he *doing*? Imagine rap-man ensign yo-boy-fresh happenin' on Picard's bridge. The other characters in the movie seem equally perplexed at what this yo-yo is doing in the film. Smith's wise-cracking, urban, MTV attitude fits great in his action comedies, but usurping this film's scifi/thriller with his uppity self ghetto-izes what could've been a fantastic upscale adventure. I was dying inside thinking what a straight-shooter like Denzel Washington could've done so much better with this. To make it worse, it's got the obligatory white-people-are-racist jab and political commentary sandwiched in for good measure, as well as blatant, throwaway product placement which does zero to benefit the plot. I put this film in the same category as Spielberg's AI - one major element ruined what could've been a top-shelf film.

*** out of *****

Parts of other movies + KABLOOEY!

If you've seen Logan's Run, Minority Report, Star Trek 6, Fifth Element, THX1138, and Equilibrium, then you've pretty much seen this movie already. Except for all the explosions and chase scenes. While the rest of the movie is fun, it's basically lifted almost down to the dialogue from other films, sometimes almost down to the set pieces. It really is a great example of the saying "there are no more new ideas in Hollywood." To comfort ourselves, we are blessed with some of the most entertaining and exciting action sequences of the past year. Lost of smashes, slams, and large-scale crashes rather than the recent trend of pointless fistfighting. Speaking of pointless, I should probably mention that the entire film is a comic book, i.e. one monstrous plot hole. The logical gaps come at you about once per minute. They're not too hard to ignore with all the flashy FX and gunfights.

*** out of *****

Bad robbers chase worse robbers.

If you want little more than a car chase movie, here ya go. That's it, car chases. Not much more to go on here. Oh, right, a boat chase, too. See-through characters. Not too much of a climax, but at least it has a little twist. The film runs along at a moderate pace the entire length, but never really manages to get a grip on how to twist the tension just right. There's some clever moves, but it mostly comes down to an upper class Fast and the Furious with Minis and supermarket checkout-line paperback adventure.

**1/2 out of *****