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4-DVD collection of 14 one-hour Gallagher performances

Over the weekend, while talking to my mother, I mentioned that we'd spent much of a week watching fourteen Gallagher performances. "Who?" my mom asked. I tried to explain: "He's this guy who does sociopolitical comedy and commentary for the first 3/4 of his show, and in the last 1/4 he smashes fruits, vegetables, and plates of custard with sledgehammers." Y'know, it sure sounds dumb when you have to explain it. But when you watch it, if you like crazy, absurd, childish mayhem, it's a hoot. The DVDs cover performances from the mid 70s through 2000. The early shows mostly contain ranty, scripted, motivational speaking, much of which is deeply dated, not PC, and often highly conservative. While decent, the monologues are only mildly humorous and the material is often repeated across multiple shows. The real entertainment is smashing things. As the years go by, you can see his performances change. The early ones are clearly scripted. The newest few feature an old, bald, much crankier man who wanders a stage littered with children's toys and groceries, ad-lib muttering to himself, yelling at the audience (some of whom are lucky, or unfortunate, enough to get to come on stage), and smashing stuff like a bored pro, which is a whole new kind of funny, but also a little sad. If you're a fan, this is worth the time spent, but otherwise a greatest-hits DVD would probably be better since even we were pretty burned out by the end.

***1/2 out of *****

N/A

As long as people say this movie is, it's still entirely watchable at under three hours and, in some cases, more entertaining than other longer films (read: RotK). It depicts a very colorful era and paints it with strong characters. A lot of time was spent on the settings, the environment, supporting characters, and background events which give the film a lot of charisma. Lots of blood, but very little gore beyond that. Daniel Day Lewis is fantastic as "The Butcher" and there are plenty of other recognizeable faces. Cameron Diaz is a little out of place, the film can't entirely shake the "Leonardo Decaprio love story movie" feeling, and the fictionalized events are somewhat cookie cutter, but those are easily overlooked. The film is also split over 2 DVDs seemingly unnecessarily.

****1/2 out of *****

A 90-minute nap

See, first Garfield wakes up and he says, get this..."I hate Mondays." Get it? It's from the comic strip! Hahahaha! What a laugh! I never saw that coming! Then..then..then he eats lasagna! Brilliant! Oh, hey, remember Nermal, the tiny infectiously cute-but-evil perpetual-kitten that Jim Davis ditched a decade ago because it might actually be funny? Now he's a retarded siamese. Wait...wait...I can't write this. This was beyond bad. Really. The animation frequently did not match the live-action. The characters had no depth. Live animals with CG lips and CG animals...don't get me started. This was "Babe" barfing. Not only didn't I laugh through the whole movie, I often begged the scene to end. We played a drinking game: everytime Garfield belched or farted, we took a shot (of soda, I don't drink - but I would've been plastered if I did). The entire movie was one giant stupid pet trick. The only salvageable factor was that Bill Murray sounded better than he had in years.

1/2 out of *****

This short-lived animated series was on tv at awkward times when it aired, so I was never able to catch more than a handful of episodes. Now I've finally had a chance to watch the first DVD volume consecutively and I'm definitely feeling like a new fan convert. While some of the likeable characters and dialogue are a bit dumbed down to meet the standards for what was marketed as a kids cartoon and there's some noticeable reuse of animation, the plotlines trend toward the dark and complex. The scripts are well-written (by Diane Duane!) and the obligatory morals are buried far enough down that they aren't flagrant. Plenty of humor and action. I was very much pleased with the dedication to strong continuity between episodes. Lots of big names contributed voices - nearly every episode features the voice of at least one Star Trek actor, and one Gargoyle is the voice of Patrick on Spongebob. The bonus material also includes footage from the annual Gargoyles fandom convention, Gathering of Gargoyles, where I saw several people I recognized. Unfortunately, Disney has decided not to release the third and final volume of the set due to low sales - a crime, if you ask me.

****1/2 out of *****

A salvage team is recruited to recover a abandoned luxury liner.

There is a line that these brand of films always walk up to. Yes, I know it's hard to figure where that line exactly is. You usually can't tell if you step over it until you see the final product. This one took a couple steps over. Ew. Gross. Barfo. The first five minutes of the film and the central flashback montage pretty much sum it up. I was actually nauseous and horrified. Too much gore for me, sorry. The acting was standard horror fare. I love gothic horror, but this could've been SO much better without a cliched and voluminously blood-spattered script. Instead, I just found myself disliking it. I've had my fill of people dying in new, inventive, descriptive, close-up, and slo-mo ways over the past year or so that I've had enough.

** out of *****

They Might Be Giants documentary

This movie is probably only really meant for fans of TMBG. It's a cute little bit of fluff going into trivia, anecdotes, and stories that try to buck up a rather uninteresting origin. It has a conservative amount of humor to it, too, but not enough to always hold it above water. It runs out of material about halfway through and becomes a clip-fest of shows, appearances, fans, and videos. Luckily, if you enjoy it, the DVD is loaded with a ton of extras. A quaint little unimportant homage.

**1/2 out of *****

Just what it says

This stand-up program by eccentric comedian, Gilbert Gottfried, should probably best be viewed as a double-feature with the documentary "The Aristocrats", which features the telling of a single joke by various funnymen and women. The capstone of this gig is that joke presented as the grand finale, elucidated and highly-detailed in the most offensive and gross-out format possible, and then it goes on for nearly fifteen minutes. If filth-fatigue hasn't set in by then, it's a fitting endcap to an hour of material that is effectively exactly what the title says: Gottfried telling dirty jokes. Continuously. And in his inimitable screaming style. The man is an acquired taste, so if you don't like him then this nearly verbatim recitation from the 1970's Truly Tasteless Joke book series will appear uncreative and heinous. But with the first joke as well as the last, it's not so much about the punchline, but the getting there. Be sure to watch the extensive extras for much more standardized (re: weird) Gilbert humor.

*** out of *****

Just what it says

The concept used in promoting this film, that a sad song composed for a lady triggers a rash of suicides, was what drew me to rent it. But that plot point is really only a fragment of the complete film, which turns out to be surprisingly engrossing and satisfying. I'm not usually interested in romantic melodramas, but this one is very well produced. It tells the story of a menage a troi between a restauranteur, his girlfriend, and a piano player as WW2 arrives. The first half of the film is somewhat slow, taking its time to set up the romantic convolutions, and not too thrilling in itself. The second half picks up as the war arrives and the character evolution accelerates. Towards the end, I was fully wrapped up in the performances, capped off by an ending that was both bittersweet and expertly completed. If you harbor conservative values, this may not be for you. It also trends towards the depressing. But it's still one of my few recommendations for a romantic film.

**** out of *****

Mobster's rise to power.

This movie owns the number one spot on a lot of top ten lists and even all-time favorite lists. While I agree that it's a good film, I'm not sure if I disagree with its #1 ranking because it wasn't all that or because I'm just jaded towards older films. It definitely has "saga" written all over it, it's extremely long, spans decades, and oftentimes moves glacially. Until now, I'd only seen parodies of Brando's character and I was concerned I'd have a hard time believing it, but after a few minutes, you really get into it and he gets scary rather than silly. I never really felt concern for the characters because they expressed minimal emotion. Even when angry, it was all business. Nevertheless, it had the hallmarks of a big film and didn't let down in that category.

***1/2 out of *****

Further adventures of prior mobster

In some ways, this sequel is better than the first as many people claim, but in others it's not. In scope and epic saga standards, it's bigger. It spans two lives, historical accounts, and bigger production values. It's also both prequel and sequel in one, which is pretty neat. On the downside, it's much more convoluted and much less pleasant. If I have to ask what's going on during the film and don't receive a satisfactory answer by the end credits, something wasn't done right. It's also a much more negative film than the first. At the end, after three hours, you'll ask youself, "That's it?"

***1/2 out of *****

Am I one of the last people to have actually seen this? My first exposure to Stephen Chow was the original JP edition of Shaolin Soccer, and then Kung-Fu Hustle on DVD. Since God Of Cookery is out of print on US DVD, I had to once again seek out a source on the Internet. The fact that this is one of Chow's chronologically earlier films really shows. Where his style these days has evolved into a big martial arts slapstick cartoon, in 1996 he was still molding that niche out of a soup of absurdism. You can see the basis for his future films buried within this story about an Iron Chef who loses his fame and has to regain it from the level of a pauper, but it's like looking at a half-carved bar of soap: it's not done yet and the concept is slippery. There are plenty of funny moments, the best of which are the subtitles which I'm not sure if they're supposed to be translated this badly or if it's just the copy I acquired. It's like watching a low-budget kung-fu movie directed by Tex Avery before he got his legs at Warner Brothers. If you haven't seen it yet, it's a good time to check it out while you're waiting for Kung-Fu Hustle 2 in 2008.

*** out of *****

Filmmaker's personal documentary about his atheism

When I rented this, I had hoped it would be a good, logical, scientific breakdown of the facts and real history behind the biblical applications, interpretations, and claims of God and Jesus. It immediately starts out on the wrong foot with a mocking, comedic tone. The narrator, the filmmaker himself, could really use some lessons in neutral speaking. His sarcasm and derisive tone come across as clear as a bell over very low-budget graphics and frail facts. Interspersed are snippets of interviews with people he met outside a football game. That's just the first half - in the second part, it's revealed that the narrator is an ex-evangelical Christian. He then proceeds to return to his old religious school, interview his old headmaster under false pretenses, and ends by filming himself denouncing the holy spirit in the cathedral where he was born-again three times. This is obviously a personal vendetta against what he feels are wrongs perpetrated on him. A good movie about the subject can be made, but it's not this one.

*1/2 out of *****

Billed as a German Jewish comedy, that really only describes this film in the most high-level of terms. Overall, it's a nice movie about a secular Jewish sportscaster from East Germany who became a pool hustler when the wall fell and has to host his ultraconservative family at his house after his mother dies so he can secure her inheritance. Got all that? The laughs are really just mild chuckles, which is what I've come to expect from the majority of foreign comedies. It tends to be as much about billiards as Caddyshack was about golf, overlaying the entire film yet still acting as a backdrop. A few scenes are a bit questionable in their tone concerning Jews, but probably the most glaring overstep is the extensive portrayal of two cousins as lovers. I certainly hope they're not trying to make any sort of statement with that plot element. Otherwise, it's a light, mildly entertaining piece.

*** out of *****

I don't know when the James Bond franchise changed tracks to become a cartoon. Maybe it had always been a cartoon and I never noticed until now? Maybe I'm just getting old. Whatever the case, I haven't watched a Bond film in ten years for two reasons. First, I felt they'd become predictable, repetetive, and surprisingly boring. Second, I can't stand Pierce Brosnan as Bond. He's got the suave thing down, but nothing else. He can't do scared, excited, sad, happy - it all comes across as suave. When Casino Royale came out to reasonable reviews, I decided it was time to play catch-up, starting where I left off with Goldeneye. I guess I appreciate the ridiculousness now whereas in the past I scorned it. Viewing the whole film, wherein Bond has to prevent a bad guy from using an EMP device against the planet, as a comic book is easier now. Suspension of disbelief is, of course, completely thrown to the wind. He can't do that, he can't do that, he can't do - oh, why bother? Same with plot holes. It's mostly action scenes with some downtime in between. The Brosnan era of Bond movies is a popcorn era, and I suppose I'll just enjoy it for what it was.

*** out of *****

Avoiding German reunification

Another foreign comedy that's more of a drama. Like "Big Fish," this film attempts to overlay a depressing subject with a more uplifting subject. While neither one did much to blunt the end result, the getting there in this film isn't quite as harsh. There are even some truly good laughs in this film, especially the scene with the Lenin statue. This film also tends to have a sweeter overtone of caring rather than learning to care. It tells a good story using some familiar plot elements, but set in a time and location that's not familiar to most of us. Additionally, one of the DVD documentaries reveals how much CG effects went into such a low-key film - it was astonishing how much I never noticed. Best subtle FX I've seen since Desperado.

**** out of *****

Adventures of a trio of mobsters.

The film starts out very strong with great narrative and moving-right-along events. It appears to be an anti-hero adventure in classic modern mafia style. Again, tho, this film goes into the negative and doesn't come out. It's like watching a train wreck, but without a particularly poignant ironic ending. The trip there is filled with engrossing but relatively unlikeable characters doing particularly unclassy, awful things, both to others and to each other. The tour through the characters' lives is interesting enough, but the result leaves a bad taste. Didn't help that it took about a half hour to get the "Goodfeathers" image out of my head. And it's really long, too.

***1/2 out of *****

The Edward R. Murrow story

For reference, Edward R. Murrow was a CBS broadcaster who spoke out against Joseph Mcarthy during the 50's when the senator was holding hearings on suspected communists, much the same way that our current administration is acting on "enemy combatants". There are many parallels depicted in the film, and likely why it was made, that mirror today's current events. Kieth Olbermann on MSNBC can be viewed as adopting Murrow's style today. The performances in the film are very strong, direct, and sincere. The facts presented are thrown hard at the viewer via Murrow's own words. The amount of stock footage in the film makes it feel like a documentary wrapped in a narrative. Unfortunately, the film chooses to often portray the events in the latest fad of multiple characters in a crowded room all talking at once. This makes following some of the film unintelligible. As well, there are some subplots that have no bearing on the main plot and seem to be used as filler to pad out the 90 minute running time. It may be boring to some, but if you enjoy realistic historical drama, this works.

***1/2 out of *****

N/A

Meanwhile, on the other end of the spectrum... GP is a story about a 1930's rich debutante hunting party, and you're a fly on the wall. By that, I mean the entire film is almost explicitly restricted to snippets of conversation overheard in passing that you need to put together to understand the characters and their goals. Almost an insurmountable number of players puts your comprehension of the many stories running throughout to the test; I only figured out most of who everyone was near the end. Very dry, subtle humor, along with an extremely studied showcase of detail concerning customs and stylings of the filthy rich and how they loathed each other. A good way to sum it up is that it was very enjoyable in a spiteful way.

*** out of *****

Personal self-flagellation (possible spoilers in review)

This anime film is apparently based on a book, which is in turn based on a true story about a brother and sister in WW2 who have to survive malnutrition during rationed wartime. The author lost his sister and blamed himself, so he wrote this personal story to atone for what he perceived to be his failures. I learned all this after I watched the film. That doesn't make the movie any better. When I say 'better', I don't mean less sad, since the film is reknowned for being deeply depressing. I mean this is a badly made and written story. As a personal project, it probably worked for the author, but for the audience it's just a plodding tale of brutal incompetence and irresponsible failure. On one hand, the story works very hard to endear you to the children with adorable cuteness. But the boy's absolute failure to care for the well-being of the sister did not endear me to either of them - in fact, it made me deeply dislike them, and thus the film. What good is an action movie if the hero just stands there getting shot and dies? What good is a romance movie if the lovers aren't interested in each other and kill themselves? What good is a story of survival if the protagonists don't eat and die? Without even a scrap of irony, what's the point? Add in the plot holes being thrown at you every other scene, the lack of continuity in the backgrounds, emotionless characters with on/off-switch waterworks, and the generally unbelieveable actions of the kids. Bad movie.

* out of *****

Day in the life of deep-south town

This two-man stage show which depicts a cast of characters who live in a town buried in both time and southern location, has been a long-running travelling performance and generated numerous spin-offs due to what is supposedly a huge following. It could be considered a bible-belt version of Monty Python, perhaps. Except that it's not funny. Not even slightly or remotely. Perhaps, since the DVD dates back to 1994 when the north and south, red and blue divide in the US wasn't as publicly contentious via the Internet and media, it was more appropriate back then. Now, the humor around racism, religion, censorship, and more isn't biting enough to laugh at - instead, it's uncomfortably close to reality, at least in metaphorical terms. The live audience seems to think otherwise since they laugh uproariously and continuously, but my tv audience sat with crickets chirping. Worst of all, absolutely nothing in the plot is resolved - it sets up no less than four subplots and all are left in cliffhangers when the show abruptly ends. Uncomfortable and unfunny.

* out of *****

Butcher shop black comedy

The best way I can think to describe the film is as a foreign cross between Delicatessen and Little Shop of Horrors. It's dark - very dark - with a tasteful amount of clinically-handled gore. That means it's not in-your-face gross out, but it's just there in the picture minding its own business. The story revolves around a new butcher shop that needs a selling point and, after an accident in the freezer, the entrepreneurs get their chance. It has a hard time maintaining its identity, pushing the pathos a little too hard and forgetting it's a comedy (and its subject matter) a little too often. During those times, it gets more grim than the parts that should be grim. The ending is also questionably resolved. Still, there are some silly laughs which are not as common in foreign films as they should be, and effective dark comedies are even more rare.

*** out of *****

I never thought I'd think of FOX as taking the moral high road, and I certainly didn't think of that when I watched their version of the Greg The Bunny show. I thought they walked the fine line, and in some cases crossed it, of puppet raunchiness. Then along comes the IFC show and I learn that the GtB crew was actually *held back* by FOX. That's right, it's much much worse. Or better, depending on your point of view. If you liked the FOX show, there's a greater-than-average chance you'll hate the IFC show. Each episode runs about 7-15 minutes and parodies a movie. Usually, the parody goes off the rails and gets rather non-sequitur, resulting in quality ranging from m'eh to hysterical. It also focuses mainly on the puppets, introducing a few new ones (the Wumpus is a personal favorite) and leaves human beings as background. There's blood, swearing, violence, nudity, and Greg has sex with a dead lobster. No, really. It's too ridiculous to be offensive and too absurd to not laugh at. The DVD covers about half pre-FOX and half post-FOX episodes, includes a huge amount of commentary and special features, as well as a large amount of easy-to-find easter eggs. It's not everybody's thing, but if you're a fan of Greg, this is gold.

**** out of *****

Rodriguez/Tarantino double-feature

Gore galore and more. That's the overwhelming element that covers these two films in a gooey mess. The first, Rodriguez's "Planet Terror", is effectively every zombie movie you've ever seen, acted, scripted, and directed as the dumbest of the lot. Its direct-to-video plot, which barely makes any sense, provokes more groans out of sheer awfulness than it does laughs from parody or homage. Gory beyond belief and so gratuitously over-the-top and unnecessary that all the shock value is sucked out of it. How much did Bruce Willis get paid to stand in one place and look bored in only two scenes? The second feature, Tarantino's "Death Proof" is marginally more coherent, but still as shallow as a kiddie pool and slower to start than the first, making it difficult to get into. It consists of 80% rapid-fire street-talk in restaurants, the kind Tarantino is known for and is vaguely reminiscent of Clerks, and 20% old-school car chase and shocking gory ultraviolence. It is, at least, the more satisfying of the two 90-minute marathons when it finally gets around to the action. The elements that manage to keep this combined 3+ hour challenge afloat are the love that was clearly put into making them, and the fake trailers bookending each piece. These aren't 70's films - they're modern movies made up to play like 70's exploitation flicks. Grainy pictures, missing reels, skipping frames, color problems, dusty celluloid, it's all there, and in such carefully crafted detail. The content of the films themselves are just plain bad and don't do the experience itself justice, particularly the pseudo-previews which mimic the era being parodied with such giddy perfection that they're almost worth the price of admission alone. Altogether, these are bad movies lost under too much gore. But you can certainly feel the love that went into making them, and that's worth something.

*** out of *****

SNL before SNL

This is probably the oldest skit-based movie that I can recall seeing or knowing about. It predates SNL, SCTV, and even Kentucky Fried Movie. It was an experimental idea to produce short comedy routines that appraently worked and carried through to today. The scenes range from blase to downright stop-and-catch-your-breath hysterical (specifically Kramp's Kitchen and Brown 25). There's also vast amounts of full-frontal nudity - this kind of thing would never make it past the MPAA today. Plenty of drug use, too, which the MPAA doesn't care about. As well, it's relatively short at only a little over an hour, which is probably perfect for that kind of thing. It would make a fantastic triple-freature with the aforementioned KF Movie and Amazon Women on the Moon. The only significant drawback is that the film and some of the jokes are seriously dated and the not-funny bits aren't funny.

***1/2 out of *****

Boy and kitty, eek!

Perhaps Sarah Michelle Gellar should stick to heroine roles since she isn't particularly convincing as a threatened scream queen. She seems to have come right off of a tv set and phoned her lines in. Ignoring her performance, however, the film maintains wonderfully high levels of creepiness that are signatures of many asian horror films these days. The meowing boy really sent shivers up my spine, and they scared me but good with the bus reflection. Also entertaining is the use of modern elements, like videotape and cel phones, to convey fear - it's more accessible than old school tricks. Alas, the movie kinda poops out towards the end when it opens the shutters on the spooks and still fails to resolve the plot in any way, rendering the upcoming sequel not-so-scary.

*** out of *****

Grumpier Old Men

To wipe the mafia smudge from our brains (xydexx was starting to plan Something Awful towards his "enemies," gangster-style), we followed up to the enjoyable Grumpy Old Men with its sequel. Pure fluff again, but nice and happy and upbeat. Terribly predictable and almost identical to the first film, but it has a neat little twist ending and was often quite hysterical. Burgess Meredith is a complete stitch, especially in the end credit bloopers.

**1/2 out of *****

Grumpy Old Men

Grumpy Old- no, no, just kidding. This film is an example of one of those fluffy comedies they don't really seem to make anymore. Or at least good ones. Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau make excellent grumpy old guys and there's nothing funnier than seeing two grumpy old guys slamming each other without fart jokes. It's got quite a cast of older actors who buoy the main two as a cheerful backdrop. There's even a sequel - Grumpier Old Men - which we'll see eventually. Be sure to stick around for the credits and a little after-credits blooper reel.

***1/2 out of *****

Indian immigrant tries to make good, but ends up a porn star.

It's about time I got to see one of these movies again, a truly fluffy romantic comedy. This film is upbeat, clever, and gimmicky. It includes multiple very catchy musical numbers and dancing. The main characters are very likable. The film tends to drag in the center, but starts and finishes pretty strongly. It incites giggles and runs fully feel-good throughout. Well worth seeing in today's heavy film themes of violence and dreariness.

***1/2 out of *****

Remember the movie Revenge Of The Nerds? Take that film and replace the nerds trying to beat the jocks at some meaningless college bragging right, with gays trying to beat gay-bashers at soccer. While I had hoped the story from Germany would have more meaning, and there is some of it here and there, the story's main point seems primarily to pit the two groups against each other in a battle for revenge instead of some other higher purpose or end result. At the end of the film, the town still hates the gay team, the other team still hates the gay team, and discrimination remains in the minds of nearly all the antagonists. The film is billed as a comedy, and succeeds in that quite effectively if you can still laugh at cartoonish stereotypes of homosexuals. You know: the leathermen, the closeted man, the flamer, the crossdresser, etc. Cruel sentiment in the film towards gays outpaces what you would normally see in American films, which is odd considering how enlightened Europe is supposed to be in those matters over the USA. In any case, it's a funny film, but don't expect to come away a better person.

*** out of *****