C

Flesh-Eating Virus Comedy

I was hesitant to watch this film because of the gore level and, yeah, it's pretty gruesome. The first half of the film is also relatively goofy. Unfortunately, the fun ends there. After the halfway mark, the movie forgets it's a comedy and just becomes plain unpleasant. There's only one particularly ironic death, the rest are just awful. No antagonist, no climax, no satisfactory resolution. It turns out to be a 90-minute snuff film. Towards the end, it goes completely wrong and leaves plot threads hanging, events unexplained, and introduces elements that are never revealed, described, or solved. Could've been promising, but just turned out to be frat boy nonsense. Good for the gore, but not much else.

*1/2 out of *****

Family receives anonymous surveillance videos

After I saw this movie, I realized that I recognized the directing. I'd seen this sort of performance and style before. Going onto IMDB, I discovered that this film was from the same person who gave us "Time of the Wolf", one of the most depressing, soul-crushing films I've ever seen. It wasn't just the similar, abrupt depictions of violent, realistic death. Nor was it just the needless fascination with killing real animals onscreen (no Humane Society disclaimer here). But it also shared a third, very important element that I knew I'd seen before: the film has no ending. Many hail this movie as a masterpiece of subtle, underlying themes that provide a moral lesson beneath the surface, making the overlying plot throwaway. I say bullshit. The emperor has no clothes. If you check out the director's commentary, he states that he hates mainstream filmmaking with its simple solutions and enjoys movies that confuse him, so he made a film that deliberately confuses the audience. Let me get this straight: he hates modern movies, so he made a film people won't understand with no ending? Explain to me how I didn't just waste two hours of my life? I was going to give the film at least two stars because it had an excellent setup and engaging plot, despite the drudgerous pace as in most French dramas, but when I learned the director's intentions, I felt tricked and abused. I will never watch another film writen or directed by Michael Haneke.

* out of *****

Gay-themed American Idol Afterschool Special

Talk about a bipolar film. At times, there are really snarky or silly moments in the film that come across as funny, but in a oh-you-didn't-say-that-girl! way. There's not a whole lot of innocent humor, it's mostly snipes at one character by another character. When the film lays on the drama, that's when it gets almost interminable. It watches like a soap-opera-fied afterschool special from the early 80s for young teens. The acting isn't too swift, either, as many players deliver their lines barely better than a 2x4. Oh, did I mention it was a musical? A cover-your-eyes and hide musical? During the "turkey-lurkey christmas" number, I just wanted to die. And don't forget, all gay people are flamers or crossdressers.

*1/2 out of *****

The story behind Truman Capote's book, "In Cold Blood"

When I look on metacritic.com, I see that nearly half the professional movie reviewing establishment gave this film a full 100% rating. All I can ask is, what were they thinking? Philip Seymour Hoffman's depiction of Capote is not just dull, but it's also obnoxious. One may say that it's an accurate depiction of the person - but then why make a movie about someone so unwatchable? Perhaps Hoffman's performance as Capote is his greatest, establishing an unpleasant, insincere, lying personality. But it's certainly not one I would've chosen to watch if I had any advance knowledge or understanding of the man portrayed. The film jumps between downbeat dinner scenes, maudlin conversations in a jail cell, and Capote's dreary and disingenuous faux-investigations. The only actual potentially effective emotional performance towards the end made me wonder if the director was even aware that he was depicting ineffectual crocodile tears. And for some reason, there seems to be a need to insert gory murder scenes into an otherwise calm biopic - I understand the book was about a murder, but the level of shock value that is attributed to them is uncalled for, as if it's the only thing the movie relies on to dig its way out of the doldrums. The film gets as high a rating from me as it does only because of how effectively it made me dislike the main character. Unfortunately, it was so effective that I disliked the movie, too.

*1/2 out of *****

Artistic mischronolocology involving meat.

While the premise of the intersecting lives of a set of people who all received parts of a bull killed in the bullring had potential to be inventive and affecting, it instead resulted in a confusing and often dull mishmash of plodding drama and amorphous plot threads. The connections between each of the characters is tenuous at best and always superficial. We never learn anything about any of them and some scenes and events are simply inexplicable. Other scenes are outright, shockingly bothersome and unnecessary. Supposedly the film is about coping with death, but even the most abstract film fan would have a hard time digging the metaphors out.

*1/2 out of *****

New vehicles, old plot

There's a heavy irony in the scenes during the closing credits where the characters watch prior Pixar films redone with vehicles because that's pretty much exactly what this movie does - it takes a very recognizeable plot (can't describe it cos it's a spoiler) and just makes all the characters vehicles. We've seen that plot in dozens of tv shows, movies, comic books - it's a standard moral theme used time and again. But Pixar, known for its creative implementation and distracting visuals, usually buries the familiarity so deeply that it looks new. Maybe I'm getting jaded on Pixar, or maybe they really fumbled this one, but while the CG was spectacular as usual and the gags were fast and furious, I couldn't shake the feeling that I'd already seen this movie and that this was a loose remake or an adaptation. Of course, this is otherwise a quality film, beautifully crafted, without the pop-culture references and attitude that mar lesser animated films. Not one to miss, but not Pixar's best concept.

***1/2 out of *****

Rise and fall of casino owner.

I'd like to just write "more of the same," but that would be a cop out. Most of the same actors playing almost the same characters as the previous movies. Yes, it's another total train wreck. Yup, another 3-hour epic saga, too. Some perks of the film: most of the film is narrated, which is a nice trick and helps the viewer along with the understanding. The events that occur inside and concerning the casino's workings are cool, too. A lot of the violence is rather uber-realistic and some of the hardest to watch of any of the above films. Finally, Robert de Niro plays a somewhat likeable character, too. Another tragic, morbid drama about money, women, power, deceit, backstabbing, car bombs, holes in the desert and the bodies in 'em.

***1/2 out of *****

I had high hopes for this reinvention of the Bond franchise. Perhaps they were too high. Up until the torture porn scene at the 3/4 mark of the rather long film, I was quite pleased with the way things were progressing. Then, suddenly, the director was knocked unconscious and an evil villain took over the production, inventing a completely new, threadbare storyline with brand new, nameless bad guys, and a completely new fight scene in a location irrelevant to the rest of the film. The original director appears to have wrested control back, but only after the ridiculous new storyline irreconcilably voided the original plot, which was something about money (at least more down-to-earth than previous films). It seems to get back on the rails just in time for a proper resolution, but then suddenly the credits roll. Up until things go awry, I was very pleased with the way things were progressing. The refreshing new Bond had significantly more depth and appeal, achieving a wider range than Brosnan ever managed. Action sequences were more grounded in reality. I was able to ignore the overuse of parkour, extensive product placement, and the too-long poker sequence. But 30 minutes before the end, the entire movie changed suddenly and became incomprehensible. When it ended, we could barely understand what happened, characters were left unidentified, events left unexplained, and the conclusion was missing. The film seemed like it was trying to escape itself, attempting to end twice before it actually did. I really wanted to like this one, but I can't appreciate a film that derails so badly.

**1/2 out of *****

Fear of flying

Back in high school, I read this WW2 book for a class. Normally, what they tell you to read in school is dreadfully dull, but I really got into this one. It had biting dark comedy and nasty moral lessons in life and futility (not to mention insanity). The film does a very impressive job of reproducing the vision that the book projects. It alternates between vicious humor and tragic despair and doom. Plenty of famous faces, from Bob Newhart to Orson Welles. It does a great job of combining zany dialogue with both serious subjects and shocking imagery, not entirely unlike Douglas Adams in its absurdity, something that populates the movie in spades. The only drawback is the occasional incoherent jumpy timeline that takes a while to figure out and the somewhat unresolved ending. I enjoyed this film quite a bit which is impressive since I normally don't like older films.

****1/2 out of *****

A con man (boy) leads an FBI agent on a chase.

You know those nice, light films that are so few and far between? This is a good one. It equally satisfies and avoids offense. Very loosely based on actual events, Leonardo DiCaprio and Tom Hanks fit the genre and time period very well. Plenty of mildly humorous moments, keeping things light, while maintining the down undertone in the background throughout to remind you of the plot. There's really very little more to say. It's nice, but not emotional. It's absorbing and engaging, but not enthralling. It's just a nice movie. I know, that's what your grandmother says, but it is!

***1/2 out of *****

Guess.

It's not *quite* as bad as it was popularly reviewed. That's not to say there weren't some eye-gougingly bad parts in it, nor that it was actually good. But it was definitely a carrier for Mike Myers far over and above any respectable invocation of the original children's story. In fact, it's much more a parody of the original than anything else. At least Myers' character did have some funny moments. He certainly wasn't the Cat, but his performance was reminiscent of a combo of Herman Munster, Grampa Munster, and Curly Joe and got some clever one-liners. Many plainly tacked-on elements were worthless or crassly commercial. It could've easily been twice as charming on half its budget.

** out of *****

Halle Berry being sexy

Despite all the horrid reviews, this isn't a bad movie. Don't jump to conclusions - it's certainly not a good movie. It's a giant plot hole with a script, has a frivolous plot, laughable vamping by Berry, borderline token gay character, and desperately bad and unconvincing Daredevil/Blade 2-style CG acrobatics. The latter is really the worst as it's completely visually noticeable and wrecks the action sequences. You'd think they would've learned from the previous bombs they tried it in. There are some redeeming values to the movie, tho. First, Halle is pretty slick as the character - she pulls off the sexy and slinkiness believeably and entertainingly. Second, the intentional and unintentional humor is laid on pretty thick. It's also got lots of kitties in it. Otherwise, it's a standard superhero-introduction plot, although it's definitely not the comic book version. Not worth deliberately seeking out, but not completely worth running away from.

**1/2 out of *****

Critters eat cavers

I'd added this movie to my queue because it looked pretty neat. Undersea cave exploration with big killer fish! What it turns out to be is regular cave exploration and giant, rubber monster costumes. Don't get me wrong, I like big, fake monsters as much as the next guy, but these just weren't scary. Maybe it's because there's been so many that they all look the same? Maybe because the characters were so undeveloped that I couldn't care less when they got killed? Maybe because of total predictabiliy? Or the embarassingly massive plot holes? The actors lacked motivation or purpose. Rated PG-13, the scares are only booga-booga ones. At best, this is merely a cheesy adventure movie. It blatantly rips off at least a half dozen films, including Alien and The Abyss. It's clearly designed for those with less-discerning tastes and lower expectations.

*1/2 out of *****

This is a low-budget indie thriller that's a cross between Phone Booth, Blair Witch, and a walking tour of the the poverty-stricken areas of the Philippines. It's hard not to see the presentation as anything other than a thinly-disguised awareness campaign, but there's a time and place for that sort of thing - it shouldn't be proselytized in the guise of entertainment. Our hero travels from America to the Philippines for his father's funeral only to receive a call that his family has been kidnapped. The entire movie consists of handi-cam footage of him being talked through the poor areas of the country by the unseen antagonists. Lots and lots of imagery of streets, alleys, litter, sewage, and poor people. The resolution of the movie feels tacked on, gratuitous, and just plain nonsense. Altogether, it's pretty depressing, one-note, and subtly preachy.

*1/2 out of *****

Rampaging RHPS cast gets guns, makes movie.

Like a wild cross between Pump Up the Volume, Rocky Horror Picture Show, and Series 7, Cecil B. Demented managed to be oddly enjoyable. Definitely not slick or polished, looking like an insane set of Laugh-In, I found myself laughing more than expected at the quirky all-insane cast. Subtly unnerving, this was my first John Waters film. Melanie Griffith is enjoyable and Stephen Dorff is giggly intense. It was also fun seeing so much of Baltimore, which is near me. I think I'll buy this one later on for its uniqueness.

***1/2 out of *****

Cel-phone thriller

You could tell as the movie went on that it's been dumbed down to make the PG-13 rating. It's particularly non-threatening. In fact, while it makes do as a general-purpose action/chase movie, it's entirely superficial. The characters aren't particularly charismatic, convincing, or threatening. It could've easily been a primetime drama of the week on network tv, albeit a higher budget. I was able to stay interested through to the end, but was constantly jarred off course by the injection of comedy and abject unnecessary filler. The bad guy seems SO bored. The good guy seems so vapid. Kim Basinger's character is unappealing. Even William H. Macy's cop character seems only mildly interested in the part. The film is fluffy filler, but it never rises to even average popcorn worthiness.

** out of *****

Pre-Shaun zombie parody

This film came recommended as a classic and unique horror film. It definitely qualifies as weird. With credits and title in Italian (Dellamorte Dellamore), but dialogue entirely in english, it's a confusing mishmash of both a parody of zombie films, and an existential French romance/drama. The first half is irregularly funny, with stretches of seeming seriousness, completely absurd scripting, and unintentional(?) hilarity. It feels and sounds very 80's and the plot never really goes anywhere. Every floating or flying object has a clearly visible string or wire attached to it. By the end, our hero has become an anti-hero, Death has told him to stop killing the dead, and a cliffhanger is left unresolved and unexplained. What starts out like Shaun of the Dead or Evil Dead, turns into an abstract French puzzler. It's quite silly, but don't expect coherence, meaning, value, or particularly good filmmaking.

**1/2 out of *****

Ben Affleck and Samuel Jackson get pissy at each other after a car accident threatens to ruin each of their lives.

I guess I was hoping for a suspense stalker movie. I was expecting an incident, a chase, creepy escalating social warfare, and climactic battle. Instead, I got cultural commentary and an anticlimax. The film is at least interesting to watch, but it's more of a situation than a plot. All the conflict is perpetrated from afar and the resolution seems only grudgingly delivered, as if the scriptwriter just never got their coffee that morning. Disappointing.

** out of *****

Boy tours freaky candy factory

Lets just get this out of the way ahead of time: this is a Johnny Depp carrier - a timeless children's tale co-opted to promote and enhance the career of a sometimes-pirate. His performance can easily be described as a mix of the following: Church Lady, David Spade (from Emperor's New Groove), Robin Williams (from Aladdin), and something else I can't put my finger on. Ok, so, now that we've admitted the deep dark truth, the rest of the film is strictly Tim Burton. Let's make up a new word and call the story "Burton-ized". From beginning to end, with the help of Danny Elfman's easily-identifiable music, the story is a somewhat creepy and predictable fable that's nonetheless fun and whimsical to watch. I was pleasantly surprised to be so engrossed in all the imagery and wackiness that I didn't even look at the clock until the 90 minute mark. But, of course, every modern retelling of a classic is tainted by its director and, sadly yes, Burton has to tack on his own personal childhood strife to the tune of cliched parental issues that were never in the original or book. If you view the film as a brand new composition or an alternate universe-Wonka, it works very well. Except for the Oompa-Loompas which can't seem to maintain the same size because of bad duplication and perspective FX tricks. And what's up with the plastic faces on Wonka and the fat kid?

***1/2 out of *****

Musical storyline about getting away with murder.

Before I saw the film, I knew almost nothing about the play or the film. Having seen the film, I'm glad I did, but I'm also glad I didn't see the play because, for such a great storyline, it has such a poopy ending. Decadent and artistic song and dance numbers and punctuated frequently by laughs. You really want to care for the characters, but it's so hard to choose when they're all so nasty and conniving - or just plain losers. Lots and lots of big names do a great job, but it all ends up without a resolution. Maybe there'll be a Chicago 2?

***1/2 out of *****

What happens after the sky falls

When this film approached theaters, there was a moderate outcry that Disney was making a weak attempt to replace Pixar, with whom their dealings at the time were contentious. The movie arrived with just as many negative reviews as positive. I was expecting to view it with all the glee I experienced watching Valiant, another turkey of a bird-movie. The first half hour of the film was pretty much what I envisioned. While the animation was decent and the cast of animated extras were cute and clever, our main heroes were painfully cliched, visually unappealing in design, and the story was disastrously trite. Hip-hop fairy tale characters with the same standard Disney psychological issues, right down to the one-parent family. Then, suddenly, War of the Worlds happens. With a sharp left turn into oncoming traffic, fluffy fable critters are met with alien death rays and spaceships. All the distaste was buried beneath absurdist inventiveness and comedy similar to the likes and fast-pacing of Emperor's New Groove. The writers put together peanut butter and chocolate and discovered that it tastes like chicken. While the shopworn schmaltz continues through the end, the invasion plot is entertaining and really saves the film from overall badness. Sleep through the first half hour, but be sure to set your alarm for when the sky really falls.

***1/2 out of *****

The last 90 mins of LotR + talking animals

Let's get this out of the way - I'm angry at Disney for inciting and fanning the religious controversy as propaganda to sell more tickets. I almost didn't go because the movie had become an issue in itself and I was concerned my view of the film had been tainted. After having seen the film, I have to say that I saw none, zero, nada, zilch, nyet, nein, no religious connotations (if I had to, I'd say this film was extremely pagan). I found myself having to actually make an effort to rationalize references out of it, and those rationalizations were flawed. This film is pure secular fantasy.
As for the content of the film, it's hard to judge it without being biased. Centaurs, fauns, griffons, talking animals of all breeds and species - this is a quintissential furry movie. It's also a technical masterpiece, all the creatures are completely believeable. No grating switches between CG and animatronics. It's definitely fun to watch, half because of the eye candy. The rating is questionable because of several scenes of violence that really aren't appropriate for a PG rating (the key to PG-13 seems to be blood, which this film almost toally lacked). To its demerit, the film is basically the last half of LotR: Return of the King - they arrive, they prep for war, they have a big battle (impressive as it is). Not much else there except the pretty images. Additionally, some superfluousness and a few believeability derailments mar what is otherwise a thoroughly enjoyable film worth the success it's receiving.

**** out of *****

Lots of thrill-less action

Yet another example of the vapid loss of the action genre. During the entire film, Vin Diesel's character takes out dozens, if not hundreds of antagonists, often in the same fight, sometimes in the same punch. When you have a one-man-army like that, he's no longer an Indiana Jones who is under threat and risks life and limb - instead, he's just a beat-up-bad-guys machine that never breaks down. When a ship is crashing down on top of him and it looks like he could just chew his way through it if he wanted to, I'm filled with apathy for his predicament, the conflict, and the foregone resolution. The tension and thrill are gone when I already know the hero is invincible. An effective action film requires the hero to *not* be invulnerable and unstoppable. Showing a little fear helps, too - what the character feels, the audience also feels. The movie takes a lot of cues from Star Wars, too, with tantalizing but wasted epic space battles, vast overuse of CG, and shallow characters.

** out of *****

Furries, but for movie fans.

Cinemania is to moviegoers what Trekkies was to Star Trek Fans and what Plushies & Furries was to Furries. The uttermost fringe of the moviegoing public. This documentary finds five of them in NYC and follows them around as they go to movies. All day. Every day. To the detriment of cleaning, sleeping, eating and working. One in particular can, given the name of any film, immediately reply the exact length in minues. Another has a soundtrack collection on vinyl...but no record player. Yet another collects movie programs...by the dozen...of the same kind. While a little repetetive and barely narrated by one of the documentary's subjects, it's interesting to watch in an "It's funny because it's not me (this time)" kinda way.

*** out of *****

Tribute to movie theaters and classic filmmaking

I'd heard a lot about this film from 1990, so I figured I should check it out. Recently, a new Director's Cut has come out, but the reviews are almost universally negative on it compared to the original US theatrical release, so we watched the latter. The first half of the film is quite fun and perky, with the interaction and banter between the kid and the projectionist. The characters are very detailed and strongly Italian. The second half of the film drags a bit, with a little too much unrelated romance and puttering lamentation that slows everything to a crawl. It's still interesting, but the pace doesn't compare to the first part. In all, it's a nice and charming film, but I don't think it would be bearable with the added 48 mins of the new version.

***1/2 out of *****

Cirque 2001 show

This performance is the one that the 90's film is based off of and I am somewhat hard pressed to say that the show is better than the film. This particular show is a case of style over substance. While it still has the embedded circus acts that Cirque is known for, it attempts to turn the program into more of a performance piece and the presentation suffers for it. It's one of the more beautifully designed sets and wardrobes of the series, but that doesn't prevent the characters from being generally bland and not really likeable. The plot extracted for the earlier film is nowhere to be found. The comedy routines are generally art pieces and not very funny at all. The ringmaster is almost unpleasant. Some of the acts are, dare I say it, weak? There are still highs, tho, including a fun-looking trampoline act and the introduction of vastly improved slo-mo cinematography.

**** out of *****

Movie adaptation of Cirque's Alegria show

A surprising deviation from the Cirque's circus performances. Don't confuse this movie with the troupe's arena performance on DVD with the same name, tho it is inspired by it and comes several years before the actual show. It's quite a unique adaptation of the storyline put forth in the live version and pretty much just what you think a movie version of Cirque would be like. Wildly caricatured characters and a heavy dose of absurdism help tell two stories of a whiteface bum who finds his love in a circus, and a boy held prisoner by a flower-dealing master, neither particularly well-entwined. The first 4/5ths of the film play slowly, but precisely. It's the last fifth where it tends to fall apart, as if the writer got bored or rushed. Enough of it is wild, zany, and charming enough to push it through, tho.

***1/2 out of *****

Earliest cirque show

I find that I can't justify paying $100+ for good seats at a 90-minute Cirque du Soleil show when I can rent the DVD for under a buck. Yes, I know the experience is supposedly worth it, but I can get three whole days at DisneyWorld for the same price. So I've lined up ten of the best shows on DVD to catch up with the rest of the big spenders. Anyway, this is the first of the Cirque shows on DVD which has won many awards. This one has been replayed to death on A&E and the Discovery Channel since its original release and you've probably seen it already. Nevertheless it's still an impressive show, although lacking in the glamorously vainglorious presentation and camerawork of their more modern performances. The acts are still breathtaking and the comedic interludes are hysterical. It's amazing to think that they only get better from here.

**** out of *****

Cirque show in 2000

Here, we see Cirque hitting their stride perfectly for the first time. There are almost no flaws to this performance themed around Asian culture. The performances together are more upbeat and energetic than any prior show. The soundtrack is peppy and more modern, the first one I've paid more than background attention to. The acts here are, for the most part, not repetitions or modifications of prior shows. The sets are at their highest production level yet and the costumes are bright and sexy (it's not far from being a nearly-naked revue). The wildly clownish masks are gone, replaced by more artful and utilitarian costuming that forwards their theme. Best of all, the comedy routines are back in full force, featuring the funniest one yet which culminates towards the end in a self-parody of the entire performance. Altogether, I think I said 'wow' the most number of times during this show than in any of the previous ones. Don't miss the Making Of featurette on the DVD, too. If you only want the best, start here.

***** out of *****

Cirque IMAX show

At only 40 minutes long, there's quite a lot crammed into this little film. Since it's planned and directed as a feature and not a live show, you get to see what they can do when they really crank up the sets and cinematography. The result is very impressive visuals, even wilder costumes, and unique settings that they can't present on stage. The bungee act, particularly, is leaps and bounds more impressive than the somewhat dull presentation in the live show. Unfortunately, tho, most of the acts are merely replications of their performances, almost down to the physical movements. There's a heavy dose of rather poor CG and the plot is pretty sappy and watery, if not outright hackery. It probably looked nice on the giant IMAX screen, but otherwise it's only a pretty summary of their better performances to date.

*** out of *****

Cirque 2004 show @ DisneyWorld

La Nouba is the continually running show at Walt Disney World. Why they'd put it on DVD and spoil the show for those who might see it is questionable. nevertheless, more Cirque is better for everybody. The DVD is unfortunately marred by a preface to the performance that's a montage of the highlights of all the acts you'll see for the next 90 minutes. This is a serious failing of a lot of movie DVDs I've seen where the menu or the advance bits give away the film or show. Why should I watch it if I've seen all the best parts in the first 10 minutes? Luckily, the showcase presented is still worth the time, but at a depreciated value. There's a light story and a few new acts, but if you've seen the prior shows you'll notice that some performances are starting to repeat. The BMX biker is new, but there's still the umpteenth silk-sheet flying bit, the girls with the diabolos mostly reprise their performance, and the trampoline from Alegria is back, tho with some new elements. The ending is even the same as Varekai. The zany characters are there, but they're underused (except for the set of four white-sheeted everpresent clowns), and the comedy feels a bit watered. Perhaps I'm getting burned out on Cirque - it's still great stuff, but just not their creative best.

**** out of *****

Cirque 1991 show

The production values double from the prior show in this one. Now, instead of the story being weakly centered around a mob of pseudo-clowns, the focus narrows to a single individual in an environment filled with colorful fantasy characters. It's still a bit vague, but you get the general idea as it moves along. Plenty of interesting acts that still scream 'circus' - they've not yet gotten out of the ring-based performances and into the theatrical arena. It's clearly the next step in the show's evolution and you can see the concept being developed.

**** out of *****

Cirque 1999 show

NetFlix shorted my my chronological queue of Cirque shows, so I missed Saltimbanco, but if I forgive that, this seems to be a great leap forwards in both production values, style, and storytelling (if overcomplicated). It also seems to be the definitive acts-hanging-from-the-ceiling performance, with every other one being on a rope or ribbon from the roof. There's actually a story here concerning a girl who escapes her boring parents into a fantasy world, although the wild imagery after the outset is hard to interpret and borders on the abstract. The performances are now choreographed not just in gymnastics, but also in acting, drama and vocal routine, with a million things going on in the background, as well as live audio accompaniment. The circus parts on the ground floor are getting brilliantly inventive and more impressive, featuring some jaw-dropping juggling, physical feats, and an introduction that involves a fun-looking human-powered rolling device. Lost a bit are the comedy routines, truncated and relegated to intermissions rather than entrees, although the bits you do get are appreciated - particularly the clever hat rack dance. Definitely a breakout style approaching perfection.

****1/2 out of *****

1997 Cirque show

This particular show goes in between Nouvelle Experience and Quidam. You can see them struggling to break out of the shell and refine their art. The production here is mostly focused on theme, where the acts revolve around a basic concept - in this case, it seems to be a Spanish port or seaside town. It also seems to revolve around spandex. Lots and lots of spandex. Probably a low point for them concerning costuming. Granted, this is Cirque, and a low point is merely great instead of astounding, but there's definitely something lacking in the presentation this time. The acts don't seem as full of life, either, and tend to be modifications of the performances in earlier shows rather than inventive new ideas. It's quite nice to see if you're into Cirque, but the others tend to be better.

***1/2 out of *****

Cirque 2003 show

I think all the shows are a perfect length at around 90 minutes, but this one is the first to hit the 2 hour mark. Luckily, the extra time is well deserved and it's the only one, apart from Dralion, that could make use of the extra half hour without boredom setting in. The characters and set defines a zany, earthy environment full of nature in the form of a forest of bamboo-like poles and animalistic personas that are very likeable, enjoyable, well-defined, and visually appealing. It's loaded with humor, probably the most of any show to precede it. The opening gimmick is probably worth the full price of the rental. There's plenty of energy with peppy, dancey musical numbers and creative new acts as well as twists on old ones. It's even got an embedded plot, fluffy and light as it may be, that carries you through the show when its needed. This and Dralion are the two best Cirque shows on DVD currently offered.

***** out of *****

Kevin Smith, all grown up *sniff*

Raunchier, more proactively abusive, sappier, and in color. If you're a fan of Kevin Smith's films, this is manna from heaven and a beautiful endcap to the series. If you're not familiar with them, you're going to be hard pressed to take this as anything other than Jackass meets South Park. The actors are just starting to show their age, looking a little jowly and well-fed. But it's all in the writing - the verbal assaults fly with wild abandon, especially from Randall who seems to have been written to be even more antisocial since the first one. It's interspersed with a sappy, but standard romantic comedy story around Dante (the scene on the roof is priceless) that shows Smith, if nothing else, moved on from rebellious youth to mature (if generally average) film director. The real treasure is the charm and the comedy. The characters are more likeable. And the humor is more polished and well-delivered. We saw the film in a theater full of fans who caught all the in-jokes and withstood the base depravity with a big smile. I bet Smith is happy he didn't use the alternate ending to the first movie. Stick around for the 10,000 MySpace users who got their names on screen after the credits.

**** out of *****

Teen drama lite

This has got to be one of the fluffiest movies I've seen. Normally, a movie about valley girls leaves the impression that they're stuck up, cruel, manipulative, dim snobs. Clueless takes a different approach. It can't seem to decide on whether the main character is dim or not, but it portrays her as a benign, friendly, mostly harmless, and well-intentioned do-gooder. She spends the whole film in the high drama of high school relationships. Sounds dull? Strangely, it's surprisingly watchable - possibly due to the liberal application of humorous slang and rapid-fire dialogue that keeps the characters charming. There's almost no significant content to the film, so when our DVD began to skip and totally locked up near the end, making the conclusion unwatchable, we didn't even give it a second thought. Unless she gets hit by a bus at the end or something, we don't expect we missed much.

*** out of *****

Dystopian future romance with a hint of Orwell

It could've been a great movie if they had actually figured out where they wanted it to go. It takes place in the future, about 50-100 years down the road. Unlike many sci-fi films, this one doesn't use big FX, in fact it had a rather small budget, but it conveys the evidence clearly. Outside cities, it's arid desert, people only come out at night because the sun's too dangerous (they run between buildings in bright sunlight under heavy coats), travel is restricted by passes called "pappelles", the dialogue is a mixture of english, hispanic, arabic, and asian. It's all an exceptional, and possibly eerily accurate example of possibility. Where the film fails, however, is the ending. The movie actually ends at the 60 minute mark. After that, it doesn't quite know what to do and mills around (still managing an interesting, but self-defeating twist), ruining the story, and just ends without resolution. In this case, the fun is getting there rather than the destination.

*** out of *****

Cabbie drives killer around all night

This film is a bit of a mess. It's definitely trying hard to say something, but it's very distracted and never really focuses on its message, such as it is. Tom Cruise isn't particularly menacing in the film, nor is he particularly enigmatic. In fact, he's rather vapid and lacking. Next to him, Jamie Foxx looks positively charismatic. The film attempts to be philosophical, but ends up saying nothing of consequence - just a litany of wasted character development, obvious romantic interest, and totally expected climax. The film is billed as a thriller, but it feels pretty watered down. It might be good for filler, but it's definitely not particularly deep or memorable.

** out of *****

N/A

Thanks, but I like my Arnold covered in sci-fi. The political statements get a little too deep for my liking here. Sure, it's the same Arnie-action you all know and love, but every scene has some sort of agenda behind it. This bad guy is a drug dealer. This bad guy is a CIA terrorist. This bad guy puts snakes in people's mouths (in one of the stupidest ways to kill someone I've ever seen...c'mon, it's a harmless corn snake!). I want to go back to Schwarzenegger shooting up evil clones, killer robots, alien hunters, and neanderthal barbarians! Let's get back to the action *without* the politics, please. The self-righteous American flags on his coffee mug just went over the line.

** out of *****

Hard-boiled geekery

Put Pulp Fiction, Very Bad Things, and Mallrats together and you've got this film. It starts out being a comic-book fan film and turns into something completely different. I'm can see how this movie would lose its audience in the middle very easily. Unfortunately, the latter half of the film changes from fanboy to fratboy, and the fratboy chastises and mocks the fanboy. The film attracts comic book fans, then suggests they're losers. Aside from the message, there's a lot of weak dark humor and some surprise faces: Cary Elwes and the guy who played Frank in Donnie Darko, for example.

**1/2 out of *****

Muddled retelling of Red Riding Hood

I was kind of hoping that this would be about a business run by werewolves, but no such luck (someone should make one of those). Instead, we have a slightly druggy new take on Little Red Riding Hood (probably because 99% of the movie is a dream sequence). It's like a period drama of a 1950's Disney feature interrupted twice by pricey (and kinda gruesome) werewolf FX scenes. They're rather wasted, however, since the results are discarded immediately after use each time. As a result, you get about five minutes of werewolves and 85 minutes of dated 80's cinema. Sometimes it's really bad, like when they substitute a bunch of spraypainted, trained collies and german shepards for a pack of wolves, repeatedly. It's mildly artsy and it's got a bitchy Angela Lansbury getting decapitated, so there's some value, but only for the die-hard.

** out of *****

Con man accidentally rips off gang boss.

There are a lot of films that really have little to no impact, serve merely as fluff and filler, yet remain an entertaining diversion. This is one of those movies, of course. The performances result in very charismatic and likable characters and the repartee is very engaging. Predictability is the name of the game, unfortunately, as you can pretty much see the twist coming a mile away. Dustin Hoffman as the gang boss is goofy and a little creepy, but pretty much just furniture to the rest of the flowing storyline. Worth seeing for the basic entertainment value.

**1/2 out of *****

Anti-pharma theme thriller

Similar to "Lord of War", this film tries the same sort of thing, but with a maligned victim instead of a determined anti-hero. When our protagonist's wife is killed while investigating a pharma company in Africa, he embarks on a mission to uncover the true story behind the events. There is an interesting story underneath it all, but it's covered up by seemingly disconnected dialogue, mumbling, and a vast lack of exposition to help the viewer identify each of the players. You're introduced to a crowd of old men representing pharma companies, the British government, and other dignitaries who are hastily identified under the characters' breaths once and then never again. If you miss it, you spend the rest of the movie wondering who they are. Perhaps this is a result of a very literal translation from book to big screen, but it acts as a detriment for the viewer. Additionally, the film spends a lot of time acting like a travelogue to the poorest areas of Africa, more interested in the pictures than the film. Some other issues, including gaps in clip-art continuity, too much wobbly handicam imagery, not informing the viewer what's going on until the middle of a scene, very dry and technical dialogue, and an unbelieveable level of conveniently documented exposition on part of the wife seriously damage the movie's watchability. A good idea, but executed poorly.

**1/2 out of *****

Keanu Reeves in hell

There's not a whole lot to say about this movie. It's a slam bang, mega FX, big budget, supernatural action film with Keanu Reeves, tadah. There you go. There's not a lot of craft in the film, just a bunch of neat ideas strung together and disconnected from one another, a thin fishing line of plot run through it all. The attempt to be highbrow is see-through by the failure to include much in the way of exposition or explanation. He does what he does, take it for granted. The characters are fun, although they all get predictably offed before they can be explored to any degree, leaving them paper-thin cutouts of backdrop around the main character. Most interesting are Lucifer and Gabriel, portrayed with filthy glee and androgynous semi-eroticism respectively, but they enjoy limited screen time. It's a fun popcorn muncher, but is worth about as much as the comic book it's printed on.

*** out of *****

Al Jazeera examined - sort of

This film is supposed to be a documentary about Al Jazeera during the war in Iraq. Unfortunately, about 30 minutes into the unnarrated film, it forgets about that and focuses on gaffes in press briefings with Central Command. They even take a tour of MSNBC's offices at one point, for what doesn't seem to be much reason. It's peppered with frank and unstructured interviews with Al Jazeera staffers, but spends almost as much time with CentCom's press liason. Most of the commentary from the Al Jazeera staff is visibly pro-Iraq (not pro-Saddam) and, especially in the case of the station's owner, displays an obvious contempt for Amerian policy and government. The film seems to want to show the unbiased neutrality of the station, but right from the outset it's clear that they not only know they're biased, they don't care. Al Jazeera comes off as what liberal extremist bloggers would be like if they owned a tv station.

** out of *****

Shy and paranoid surveillance guy

According to some sources, this film from 1974 is Gene Hackman's best, although he spends most of the it being shy and withdrawn, a trait that leaves the plot development concerning his releasing potentially damaging audiotape to a client pudgy and sluggish. With the right trimming, this film could be cut down to a 30-minute Hitchcock thriller. All the right elements are there, including sex, suspense, and a twist ending. Hackman also does a good job defining his character as both a surveillance expert and overly paranoid about being surveiled himself. There's also a small part by Harrison Ford in an early role. Unfortunately, a film based on high-tech gets somewhat laughably dated as time goes on. Rotary phones, super-8 video cameras, giant reel-to-reel cassette players. One wonders how anyone managed to hide anything thirty years ago. Decent overall, but slow and just not gripping or interesting enough.

**1/2 out of *****

Bad luck guy tries to make good.

I have to admit I'm a little biased because I think William H Macy is cool. He's neat, acts very likeably, and is fun to watch. But not naked. Too much Macy nekkidness. I mean, sex scenes are one thing, but this one has enough to classify it as a romance. As a drama, ignoring the porn, it's otherwise very good. The actors have lots of character and it does a good job of meshing romantic comedy with serious gangster crime. Alec Baldwin, in one of his better roles, does a good job portraying a fading casino boss, too.

**** out of *****

No-brain save-the-planet adventure

No brains allowed! Plot holes the size of Texas. Bountiful logical leaps. If you find yourself saying 'wait a minute, they cant do that,' just jam your celphone antenna into your ear until you're not thinking about it anymore. Ignoring that, the plot is attached together with twist-ties and nightmarishly predictable. What saves the film from total misery are half the FX and the half the cast. The global catastrophe scenes are fun, even though they're hastily glued in and mostly irrelevant. Also, while several cast members are good, some others are awful, but I have a soft spot for Stanley Tucci, one of my faves (see Big Trouble, Impostors). Definitely a failed Armageddon wannabe.

** out of *****

A negatively slanted view of global corporate influence

You definitely need to be prepared to sit through this 2.5 hr documentary because it spends a lot of time with talking heads discussing economies, ethics, and other bland or blase topics. If you can focus enough, it paints a rather uncomfortable picture of how society is influenced daily by executive behemoths. I didn't know that corporations can patent life forms up to but not including fully birthed human babies. I didn't know that Fanta was originally developed by Coca-Cola to be able to subtly maintain their manufacturing presence in Nazi Germany. I didn't know that in some citites, corporations have privatized water, including rainwater. Little tidbits and trivia overlying a general sense of ingrained wrongness, a machine out of control, hellbent for cash with no upper limit, and even its makers can't stop it. Definitely worth seeing if you can sit through it all.

***1/2 out of *****

Don't say your wedding vows in a haunted forest

This relatively short and unique outing by Tim Burton seems to be a personal project rather than one he took up from others. It's in his usual dark fantasy style and set in a Victorian period. The animation is reminiscent of most of his other stop-motion features, including The Sandman and Nightmare Before XMas. There are huge amounts of puns and several musical numbers, but the jokes are never really funny and the musical numbers are straight out of Rudolf Ising's Silly Symphonies cartoons. I guess I should be happy they didn't rap. The story just turns out to be rather bland and halfhearted. In several instances, the characters do things and events occur that don't seem to make any sense, including the terribly contrived ending. At it's heart, it's pretty to look at, but that seems to be where all the effort went.

** out of *****

The Bears try to save Country Bear Hall.

This film is the most recent example of the dead end that mascot costume animatronics has reached. The characters are particularly unbelieveable in motion and compared to the full cast of otherwise human actors. The film also interrupts itself at least four times to become an MTV video starrring everyone *except* the bears in R&B, soul, and country performances (which aren't bad, but not what I rented the movie for). I have to admit that the "duh" humor had me snickering more than expected. Christopher Walken's office scene is probably the most hysterical. Ultimately, the movie is sappy family fare, exemplified by the fact that the DVD doesn't include a widescreen version, which expresses Disney's intention to market it to kids and kids alone. Quite an irony that, while this movie about saving Country Bear Hall was being released, Disneyland was tearing the real place down.

** out of *****

Bad things happen to good people

This film would not have been my choice for a Best Picture Oscar. Right out front, I'll admit that this film is viciously effective, but while the point may have been to make it effective as a moral experience in discrimination, instead you just get a cruel experiment in random fate, human failing, and schadenfreude - an emotional beating which isn't nearly made up for in the end with a thin, halfhearted afterthought of a resolution. Featured throughout the movie are angry, foolish, despondent people who either perpetrate atrocities on each other or are the victims of them from other angry, foolish despondent people. By the end of the film, it even makes sure to wipe its tracks by soiling the only untainted character with the worst crime of all. The message of the film is nihilistic and it conveys that sentiment with knife-point accuracy, kudos to that directorial skill. Unfortunately, this just makes the movie unpleasant and not recommended as a worthwhile viewing experience.

** out of *****

TV series based on Aardman Oscar-winning short from 1989

If you've seen the original animated short, then you'll know pretty much what this series is about - rather dull interviews with ordinary British citizens made entertaining by applying their voices to claymation animals. The result is two seasons of about twelve 8-minute episodes each, followed by a half-hour X-Mas special. The episodes are more polished than the original 1989 version and have almost the exact same level of humor, which is dry, subtle, and very British. If that's your cup of tea, then this is quite a funny series. Not laugh-out-loud funny, but grinning and occasionally giggling funny. If you need more active, lowbrow laughs, this probably isn't for you. Most of the humor is dialogue oriented and, in some cases, probably incomprehensible to an American due to the heavy accents. It all culminates in the big X-Mas episode at the end of season two, which *is* a laugh-out-loud 30-minute sprint through their most popular characters from the previous two seasons in new holiday-themed interviews. If there were any doubts getting to that point, that episode makes it all worth the trip. Recommended for those not easily bored and who appreciate painstaking stop-motion animation.

***1/2 out of *****

Caste differences in Iran

The film is about as engrossing as the "About" describes it. It starts out promising with some good conversation and setups, but nothing is ever followed through on. A mysterious professional thief joins our two protagonists, gives them his card, and is never seen again for the rest of the movie. Huh? The story is obvious, but it could be told in 30 minutes. 20 minutes, if you wanted to get creative. Instead, it's extended into long, drawn out shots of the protagonist driving around town on a motorcycle with little or no dialogue. What dialogue there is has almost no relevance to the plot. A real snore-fest that could've been much better, but would've required a total rewrite.

*1/2 out of *****

Being a big fan of magic, sleight-of-hand, and magicians, I was very eager to see a show dedicated to magic tricks and illusions. Unfortunately, what you actually get from this series is an ex-thrash/metal musician trying to "update" magic tricks for the tv generation by replacing most physical illusions with simple post-production editing and cuts, so there's significantly less emphasis on actual magic and more on camera tricks. Three-fourths of every episode is dedicated to reality-tv style dramatics, bemoaning the imagined life-threatening dangers of each well-planned hoax, kissing family goodbye, etc. What makes it worse is that even the conversations with and between his family and crew are so obviously staged and rehearsed - everyone's in on it. Adding to that, the on-the-street tricks where he supposedly meets random pedestrians is completely transparent as well - his use of plants in the crowd, or sometimes entire crowds of hired extras to look shocked and surprised, is insulting to the tv audience. I was able to figure out nearly every one of his magic tricks, many of which aren't even magic, just Hollywood stuntman performances like being set on fire or getting blown up in a box like at a monster truck rally, using basic observation and common sense. We watched nine of the 15 episodes, but after the blatant CG post-editing of the ground during the levitation trick and the crowd of fake bystanders, we gave up in disgust and I deleted all future discs from my queue. I could go on, but it's simply pretentious, egotistical, navel-gazing hackery.

* out of *****

TMI documentary on Robert Crumb

If you've ever seen Robert Crumb's work (forget Felix the Cat, he's written that off), you might wonder what makes this guy the way he is? You might think he's a nerdy, sex-driven, misogynist with a disastrous family life. You'd be right on all counts. The man is exactly the way you imagine he might be. But more interesting is, when the film shows him in his environment, on the street, in restaurants, as what he actually is seeing, it suddenly becomes totally obvious where everything he writes and draws comes from. He is living in the world his comics depict and it's fascinating to see that, for him, life is a comic book. Very much like American Splendor. Unfortunately, throughout the film you're exposed to way more personal and family info on him than you'd ever ask for. It's all part of what makes the man, but I mean, yeech. I know people like this.

**** out of *****

Violent romantic comedy/thriller set in Ireland.

I wish I didn't know what I already know about the movie before I saw it so I could properly be shocked at the right parts. Still, it succeeds at being unexpected in other areas. It flies wildly from shocking to silly to romantic. The accents are sometimes hard to dig through. Unfortunately, the resolution leaves the viewer not fully recovered from the gory finale. Needs a little more oomph to pick it back up. The acting also seems somewhat off in parts, particularly Forrest Whittaker, who often sounds like he's mentally disabled. It's a patchwork film that still succeeds in being unique.

*** out of *****

Can't take a joke?

Don't forget the underscore when recalling the title of this movie - it helps underscore the opportunity lost as it shoots itself in the foot when pandering to the teen audience with its overly moralistic theme and half-assed wrap-up. The movie spends most of the time setting up creepy scenes and then laughing at the viewer as it reveals the act to be a non-issue. Our hero spends most of the film running and hiding from nothing, and it makes the viewer feel cheated. It does a very good job of adopting the troll mentality of the Internet into live-action, unlikeable characters perpetrating unpleasant things on each other with the excuse of "what's the matter? don't you get it?" It attempts to recover from itself in the very last scene, but it's far too little, too late, too badly. Personal kudos however for setting the film up with a game of Werewolf, even if it's not named outright. And making the DVD "unrated" is laughable considering the additions are barely enough for PG-13.

** out of *****

What if the Union lost the civil war?

Sometimes filmmakers are too clever by far. There seems to be a heavy flow of mockumentaries to DVD these days, ranging from amateurish to very smart, indeed. This entry, produced by Spike Lee, is one of the latter. It's presented as if you just tuned into the History Channel, with preceeding faux commercials (which also serve as breaks during the "broadcast"), program intro, and disclaimer. The pseudo-doc details the history of the CSA, the Confederate States of America, in which you, the viewer, live in this alternate reality. With the dull, dry narration of many revolutionary war docs and the requisite talking heads, it details the rise of the Confederacy after it won the civil war. Resulting from this event, slavery becomes institutionalized in America, as well as all too familiar religious and aggressive tendencies within the government towards its foreign neighbors. The presentation comes all the way up to today, with real and fake public figures. While the production is very accurate and convincing in terms of being exactly like a real history doc, as well as being both humorous and rather uncomfortable, there is some over-the-top acting and dialogue delivery. If you've seen Spike Lee's "Bamboozled", this makes an excellent companion piece.

**** out of *****

More people get disposed of by the Cube.

Where the first film was a dark, thrilling independent masterpiece, the second film is a direct-to-video, cheap CG, bright white barely-diversion. Gone are the myriad inventive deathtraps, the dimly-lit and multicolored rooms, the ambiguous origins, the mathematical logistics. Instead, it's replaced with perky characters and lots more humor. Now and then it shows a glimmer of creativity, but then a plot hole or cliche comes along and down it goes once more. The ending completely ruins the mystique of the mythos created by the first film, too.

** out of *****

Prequel to Cube

If you've seen the first movie and really liked it a lot, don't watch this one. While Cube 2 (Hypercube) was awful, it didn't reveal the secrets behind the original model, which was great because all the proposed explanations remained a mystery: aliens, government, forgotten public works project gone mad, etc. Unfortunately, Cube Zero peels back some of those ideas and kind of explains everything away: how they got there, who's running things, etc. If you can get over that huge disappointment, the deathtraps are much more gory, the acting is very DTV, and the CG is weak. Not to mention the gaping plot holes. What saves the film is the unexpected introduction of a very Dark City-like character in the middle of the film that carries the whole load to the finish line, albeit by altering the whole concept. Not worth it unless you're a die-hard that doesn't mind ruining the first film.

** out of *****

Bitchy werewolves

You can pretty much always count on Wes Craven or Kevin Williamson to create an entertaining and often funny, if not particularly stellar scary movie. They don't rely on gorefests or human suffering, it's all campy adventure-scary. No exception here as we have standard cliched underwear model scream queens running around getting offed by a big werewolf. The wolf itself is well portrayed with a mix of costume and CG effects, looking pretty standard for today's tech - a few poor choices of CG imagery, but otherwise amenable. Now give the cast and the wolf a "valley" attitude and it becomes almost silly. The final climax of the movie fails a bit in that it's totally devoid of any werewolves - only the suggestion of it, it's just another slasher film at that point. Finally, you've got a lead actress who looks like Wednesday Addams - oh, wait, that's Christina Ricci, who actually was Wednesday Addams!

***1/2 out of *****