B

Piggies!

Unbelieveably, I'd never seen this film before. Sure, I'd known about it, but the occasion to see it never came up. Well, now that I have, I can say that it's good, but harsh. It's trying to tell a children's tale, but also attempting to appeal to adults. Unfortunately, the adult appeal consists of injecting cold, stone reality in the form of death and animals-are-food relaizations which are jarring to not only the character believeability, but also probably to kid viewers. It's a fantasy movie - I don't want reality or poop jokes. Luckily, it's got a very positive and satisfying climax which makes the journey more bearable.

***1/2 out of *****

Pig. In the City. Obviously.

While this is a nice and fun film comparable to the original, it's best if it's described by the differences to set them apart. This film is more like The Adventures Of than The Story Of. Pig is in the city and does stuff there. There's really no ultimate goal to be achieved, just a variety of familiar madcap adventures and cute critters. The critters, however, suffer from the same malady that Hollywood loves to heap on viewers: monkeys as comedy. While I'll admit that it's handled better than most here, monkeys are not required to carry an animal-themed movie. The human characters are great and wildly colorful, too, as are the sets and "the city" particularly. It's about as dark as the first film, but its drawbacks supress it a little.

***1/2 out of *****

Nasty Coen bros X-Mas story

The DVD version is actually titled "Badder Santa" and includes another generous helping of non-stop profanity in a few extra scenes. The movie pretty much rides all the way on its perpetual stream of expletives. Supposedly, it's the verbally filthiest holiday movie ever. It only becomes slightly redeeming at the very end, but otherwise it's just a tirade of mindless self-abuse hiding a threadbare story. It watches like a holiday movie written by an urban gangsta and a thirteen year old. Heck, Billy Bob Thornton was often drunk while filming the movie. The only pleasure derived from watching is simple morbid curiosity, and that alone is not worth the price of admission.

** out of *****

Bambi's teenage years

This direct-to-video sequel takes place from immediately after Bambi's mom is shot (hope I didn't just ruin the original for anyone) to around the end of the "time passes" interval when he's got antlers. Generally, it covers what would equate to Bambi's teenage years. Credit where credit is due: the visuals of the original characters and the environment are accurately reenvisioned with respect to its predecessor. It's clear that the prior film was studied for its art. Where it fails is...well, pretty much everywhere else. It's no longer the anthropomorphized life of a natural deer. This is basically the "Lion King" version of Bambi, introducing antagonists, attitudes, climactic battles, and sprinkled lovingly with pop-culture references. The plot is laughably predictable and nauseatingly cliched. They also spend way too much time on "man". Try very hard not to laugh as Patrick Stewart voices Bambi's dad. This pandering throwaway really violates the core spirit of the original.

*1/2 out of *****

Spike Lee does Network

This is essentially a re-spin of the excellent film "Network", with classic "I'm not going to take it anymore!" line and all, redone by Spike Lee as a morality play on black history. A struggling tv executive, Damon Wayans with a truly obnoxious fake white-guy accent, takes two guys off the street and creates a revival of 1800's minstrel shows, but in the format of MAD TV or Saturday Night Live. It's pitched to the viewer as a highly offensive concept, but the message gets muddled somewhere in the middle and you're not sure if it's being presented as an homage, a success story, a satire, or a warning. There don't seem to be any heroes in the film, or even any anti-heroes. Scenes are frequently interrupted by footage of old media featuring derogatory depictions of black people, but sometimes presented as something to be offended by, other times in a preservationist historical context. It took us several minutes of discussion after the film to determine that the moral was to remember and preserve that sort of thing, but never repeat it - a rather complicated message to present and it showed. Neat to watch, frequently uncomfortably funny, profanity-laden, and somewhat difficult to understand.

***1/2 out of *****

Oh. My. God.

*facepalm* I should just leave it at that, but it wouldn't be particularly fair. I know this is supposed to be a comedy, but I can't separate the deliberately bad from the accidentally awful. We were hysterical within the first 60 seconds of the movie because it was so truly abysmally corny and generally bad. The inappropriate lounge music, the alien ice-capades sequence, the blue bunnies, the sex piano... I want to give this absolutely no stars, but it made me laugh harder than any movie I'd seen in weeks due to its embarassingly low quality and tacky old-ness. Rent it to mock it.

*1/2 out of *****

DTV sequel to Anastasia

Let's get this out of the way. Yuck. Ok, Bartok is endearing in small doses, but he just can't carry a whole film, even if it's just barely over an hour. How can we make it worse, let's see... Ah, we'll change the color of the inking during closeups. Make the antagonist blase, unappealing, and poorly drawn (except at the end). Include lots of CG for...well...no good reason. Throw in Kelsey Grammar as Sideshow Bob, er, I mean some bear who is deliberately told in the first 20 minutes of the film that he may not participate in the movie whatsoever, and thus exists merely as agonizingly awful non-interactive filler. Twitchy Don Bluth animations made me long for a joystick and a Sword button. If I have to beg the characters not to break into song, you don't want to rent this.

*1/2 out of *****

Two guys invent a new sport.

The perfect antidote to Pollyanna. Featuring Matt Stone and Trey Parker, the two guys responsible for South Park, and directed by David Zucker, one half of the duo responsible for Airplane and Naked Gun. Goes right up to the gross-out line, but doesn't go over and still keeps up a hectic pace of one-liners and gags. There's no value to the film at all, but it is genuinely funny in a manly sort of way. Definitely worth a rental. Especially for seeing Ernest Borgnine do a strip tease while singing "I'm Too Sexy."

*** out of *****

This revision of the Batman concept in animated form was taken to by adults just as much as kids. It was seen as a landmark animated series and, by some, the best animated series ever. I wouldn't go quite so far, but I'm hard-pressed to at least think of another quite as well-written. The initial episodes are rough and basic as the series got its legs - the dialogue isn't quite snappy enough and the scripts are relatively basic. Things solidify quickly, however, as origins of various villains are reinvented and stories retold with humor as well as adventure. Now that I'm older, however, I notice the flaws more than I did when I enjoyed the series in college, especially since I can watch everything back to back. The award-winning character and animation design was unique for its time, but the actual animation itself leaves something to be desired, such as stilted movement and low character framerates, things I normally criticize in anime. While some characters have elaborate origin episodes (some two episodes in length, even), others such as the Penguin, Joker, and even Robin just show up in the middle as if they existed all along, tho they were never introduced. Even Batman doesn't get an origin episode. It's a great series and definitely worth watching, but seeing it today in complete form makes me want to introduce some tweaks I hadn't noticed in the past.

***1/2 out of *****

Reinterpretation of Batman's origin

Wait, what just happened? What did he say? Where's this supposed to be? This film has ADD and reminded me heavily of Valiant with the characters nearly talking over each other because of camera and dialog editing so close and obvious that one would think it was mixed by a beatmatching DJ. The result is that the viewer barely has enough time to absorb what was said or is going on before it dashes off to the next image, angle, or line in a mad rush to finish the film. The movie badly needs to slow down and take its time during the high-energy sequences, most especially during the climax. Linger a little! Apart from that, there's a lot of visually entertaining scenery and dark comic book mayhem, which makes up the meat and pleasure of watching it. Gotham looks unique and it's a fresh experience to view the characters anew. That said, Katie Holmes as the female interest is a real yawner, Cillian Murphy as Crane is underused, and Christian Bale, aside from one obligatory and recipe setback, appears invincible as Batman, which takes a lot of steam out of the opportunities for suspense and thrills. It's a fun movie, but it needs to pay attention to being a good movie and not just a fast, pretty one (wtf is up with that Batmobile?).

*** out of *****

Single gay guy gets a kid, without the prettiness

I can understand the points that the director is trying to convey in this film, that everyone is flawed but we can all provide our own positive benefits in our own ways. But he makes it extremely difficult to believe in that philosophy when he portrays the protagonist as deliberately irresponsible. He's friendly, seems like a good father figure - but then he's portrayed with coke users and other drugs, and soliciting anonymous sex in dark alleys, saunas, and bar backrooms while he's knowingly HIV positive. Toss in an invitation to sleep in the same bed with an eight year old with questionable imagery and the judgement of our main character comes into question, making the viewer unable to sympathize about the events later in the film. Technically, the dialogue is so rapid-fire that American viewers may have a hard time keeping up with the subtitles which are sometimes only onscreen for a fraction of a second - and they haven't been proofread. The characters are also all bear-style people, so no boytoys here. It's a nice idea, implemented poorly.

** out of *****

Another group of gay guys learns more minor life lessons.

I believe this film is Australian? Irish? Either way, it's a mild fictional lesson in interfering in relationships. It has a barely associated sideplot featuring Hugo Weaving that makes it very hard to take seriously, feels tacked on. Most of the humor is light and dry but the sexual twist at the climax of the film will provide a decent situational squirm. The film is unrated and could've easily been an HBO show. Very mild, not much more to say.

*** out of *****

The crew of a sub rescues survivors of a shipwreck and then things start going wrong.

If you like gothic horror or sub movies, this is one of the best. This film has only been out for two weeks and it's already about to leave the theaters because it's almost completely unadvertised. I have no idea why because it's one of the best examples of each genre I've watched. Masterful use of tension, surprise, characters, and engaging acting. Truly a fun, underrated movie that just begs to be seen. The gore level is low enough to maintain a PG-13 rating. The environment and atmosphere reminds me of The Abyss, one of my fave films. Excellent Halloween fare, see it before it gets away (which is likely to be VERY soon). Thinking of making this one a purchase when it comes out on video.

**** out of *****

Religion, culture, and soccer

A very predictable but feel-good story about family values and its exaggerated oppression on the modern teenager. Very obviously written to hit all the notes for the up-and-coming forward and global young teen, it nevertheless also pushes the proper buttons to evoke subtle humor and endearing situations. It even manages to get some gay stuff in there, too, in it's flailing but determined attempt to be heartfelt. Good music and positive vibes, it's worth seeing for the 'nice' factor.

*** out of *****

Robot tries to be human.

At no point during the film did I ever believe that Robin William's android character was anything other than Robin Williams in a costume for the first third of the film, and then just Robin Williams without makeup for the rest. At times, his performance degrades to a mere stand-up comedy act. If you like Robin Williams, then the rest of the sappiness of the film will still appeal to you. It pretends it's much bigger than it is, tho, encompassing 200 years and over 2 hours of viewing time. High points were Oliver Platt's endearing character and the pre-Potter tone that director Chris Columbus adds to it.

*** out of *****

Nuclear bus disaster movie.

A precursor to Airplane, even uncredited to the Zucker brothers who were consulted behind the scenes, the jokes in this film come at you a lot more spaced out and with less zing than the one-liners in the parodies to follow. It still has humorous characters and generates a number of laughs, but isn't up to the standards of its descendants. Once the disaster part kicks in, the jokes almost completely disappear, in fact, rendering the movie almost boring.

** out of *****

Upbeat fantasy framed by downbeat reality

Put the frame for this film aside for a moment. If you look directly at the central fables, it's quite an amusing trip. It's both funny and whimsical in a very modern-style Princess Bride meets O Brother kinda way. The added attractions include some familiar faces such as Steve Buscemi and Danny Devito, some talented folks we don't see nearly enough of. Now, back out of the picture and see the frame - this damages the film significantly. Cradling this upbeat tale is a film set in reality about a dying father. Every time you start to feel good, you're slapped in the face by death death death. Remember, no matter how much you want to lose yourself in the story - DEATH! While it's handled decently, I really wanted a much more feelgood film.

***1/2 out of *****

A zany cast of wacky characters tries to stop some criminal idiots from doing something bad.

What a great, crazy movie! It's too bad it got buried by 9/11. Lots of my favorite actos are in it doing their best comedy including Jeneane Garofalo, Tim Allen, Patrick Warburton, Jason Lee, and one of my favorites: Stanley Tucci (see Impostors). Who knew Dave Barry could write such a great novel (that the movie is based on)? Very nearly, but not quite, airplane-style humor. Maybe a cross between a Farelley Bros. movie and a Zucker Bros. movie. Funny how the best movies are made by brothers (Coen?). Yeah, it's extremely fluffy and not of value beyond a long comedy routine, but it's so rare these days to find a good, (mostly) innocent comedy instead of teen grossout or subtle artsy. This film is exactly what Scooby-Doo utterly fails to achieve.

**** out of *****

Kung-fu comic book parody

When I rented this, I had fully been expecting a serious take at a comic book idea somewhat along the lines of Tim Burton's Batman. What I got instead was a kooky parody of modern asian cinema and superhero films, with a little bit of classic Green Hornet styling thrown in. Right off the bat, it's obvious that the film is dubbed...but it's not dubbed because it's in Japanese - it's english dubbed in english! And it's done hysterically badly, deliberately corny - to the point that the asian police chief has a notable british accent. The action is some of the best cartoony comic-book stylings I've seen, although be mindful of the gore level. While it's pretty high, it's all supremely hokey and watchable, deliberate unbelieveable plot holes and all. This line probably best sums up the silliness: "You've got guts coming here...which will become evident, when you explode!"

**** out of *****

Crime doesn't pay

This foreign film set in China took a while to hit DVD, I wasn't sure it ever would. It runs without a soundtrack or musical score and often appears to have been filmed with either very old equipment or a handheld camcorder. It does a fantastic job of depicting remote, lower-class living conditions and mining work in China. The story, when boiled down, is also very simple and accessible. It also keeps moving rather than getting clogged up with long, drawn-out artsy shots. Basically, it doesn't try to be any more than it is, and that's part of its appeal. It watches like a classic fable and even fits in a great twist at the end. Unexpectedly watchable.

***1/2 out of *****

Kid with cancer hunts butterfly

We put this film off for a few days because we wanted to find the right time to watch it. You have to be in the right mood to see a film about a kid with brain cancer whose last wish is to travel to the Amazon and catch a rare butterfly. The film's rating should've given it away (PG). This is actually an Afterschool Special masquerading as a feature film. It's quite nonthreatening and spends nearly a quarter of its footage on great shots of insects, lizards, and primates. It's also a bit disingenuous in Disney-fying remote Amazonian settlements to look like a tropical island resort, and making the Amazon look like your local wilderness state park. Maybe they don't expect the family audience who'd watch this to ever really visit? In the end, they even CG the targeted butterfly into a cheap special effect. It's very light fare, family-oriented, and deeply cliche and saccharine. Not a bad film, in fact it's great if you love non-violent (there is one scene of injury that involves a PG-rated bloodstain) all-ages fare, but if you need more stimulation it's unspectacular.

**1/2 out of *****

Teen utopia gone wrong.

Do not watch this movie right after Russian Ark. Probaly one of the worst combos ever dreamt up. What starts as a blithe, superficial, and nearly comical teen Harlequin novel goes horribly awry as our hero gives in to perverse urges and uncovers a nasty, nasty story beneath the surface of his suburban town. I felt dirty watching this movie, it's experientially unpleasant. Granted, that's what director David Lynch wanted, right down to the individual squirms. It's hard to believe this was made in the 80s, I missed quite an ugly genre of filmmaking back then.

** out of *****

A boy and his dysfunctional Israeli family

Normally, when we watch foreign "comedies" they tend to turn out to be more drama than comedy. Sometimes to the point that they're simply not funny in the slightest and instead boring or, worse, unwatchable. Luckily, I can safely say that this film is eminently watchable. While it still has the drama tone that you will find routinely in foreign cinema dealing more directly with emotional issues like family strife or life issues like death, there is still a lot of gentle, positive humor in this film. It's been described as an Israeli 'My Big Fat Greek Wedding'. The characters are quite likable and, despite a few jarring pauses in the narrative while the film takes a breather, it gives you happy feelings instead of leaving you feeling beaten over the head with attempts at ponderous significance. One of the less common foreign films I'd recommend.

**** out of *****

French WW2 sorta-comedy

While this film is billed as a comedy, it's much more of a drama with only incidental humor. Either it's kinda hard to make a movie about WW2 funny or foreign films have a different idea of "comedy" than the US does. In any case, this is another accessible film made quite beautifully. Certainly the best thing about it is the visuals, showing huge rooms, streets, and cities full of people, people, people. And not CG'd, either! An enormous cast of extras and lavish sets and set locations give the film a high-value production look. The performances are also suitable to the sets, featuing high drama. Its weak spots are that in dodging most depictions of the German military, it doesn't reach the heights of suspense it should be able to. It's also about 30 minutes too long for its content. Otherwise, it's a pretty classy piece of work.

***1/2 out of *****

The life and career of porn star Dirk Diggler.

As far as dramas go, this film was put together with class and light humor, which is impressive considering the subject matter. It's eminently watchable from beginning to end, with plenty of skin, although it slows down a bit in some parts. The drug use is a bit heavy-handed, the film's moral is rather buried, and the last half of the film turns Tarantino-esque. Still, the acting is excellent and there's a lot of film for the money.

***1/2 out of *****

Slightly cartoonish Irish vigilantism

This movie is really all Willem Dafoe and his spectacular overacting. Not in a bad way, tho, he's suitably ranty, flamboyant (oh boy) and chewing up scenery like a lawnmower. Usually, when the action in a movie stops, you have to wait impatiently for the cops to do their scene, etc. For Saints, you almost wait for the action to be over to get more Dafoe. I'll never look at him the same way again after the climax scenes. The film itself is borderline cartoony. The action is raw, but the scenes are wild, to the point of being comedic at times. Like a Coen brothers movie, the players are all strong characterizations. It's definitely a fun and crazy film with a questionably moral ending.

**** out of *****

Secret Agent gets amnesia

On reflection, this movie's plot is incredibly thin, the idea barely a thin mesh over a dramatic chase film. It's interesting how this movie managed to have such long legs in the theaters. A pleasant amount of light humor sprinkled in amongs car chases, fist-fights, and gun fights. Lots of spy-nonsense riddled into it. Unfortunately, you know way way before the main character what the whole gameplan is. It's simply a ride getting to that ending. For the ride, it's worth a rental. But there's no Oscar in here.

*** out of *****

Sequel to Bourne Identity

The first film was a fresh spy thriller romp tinged heavily with the twist of amnesia. The sequel no longer has the element of freshness, and thus settles into standard revenge-themed espionage fare. There're no new ideas or material to cover that you haven't seen in other films. What makes the film watchable is Matt Damon's grim, intense character who, despite his superheroics, is all too fallible and spends most of his time running away on the defensive instead of on the offensive. This is the kind of hero I like, one that is mortal and knows it. Thus, we get our foot and car chases which all lead up to a somewhat predictable and un-twisty climax. Good for fans of action/thrillers, but don't expect anything original.

*** out of *****

The last reasonably good Eddie Murphy or Steve Martin movie

Together, for the first and last time! Like anybody cares! We just want a good movie. Luckily, the film delivers adequately, if not spectacularly. Another fluffy, low-aspiration, popcorn flick with a couple shakes of feel-good vibes. Murphy's performance suffers a relapse to when he was funny, and Steve Martin hearks back to his fatherly roles, tho I'd like to see him go a little further to his slapstick, but I guess he's too old. There's plenty of laughs and craziness, enough to entertain and be wacky. Good filler if you need a fluffy comedy for your weekend fodder.

*** out of *****

Michael Moore on guns in America

It's nice to have someone on your side, but it's not all that great if it's Michael Moore. Sure, he makes valid points about guns gone wild in our society and he even makes a difference by changing K-Mart policy. But a lot of the time, his pseudo-documentary tends to sink into hype. Several times during the film, the twisting of facts and statistics were pretty blatant. There were even some off-topic rants that came out of nowhere and didn't make sense. Lately, his pursuit of his own glory is getting mired in his search for the truth. While this is a decent eye-opener about societal violence, watch it with your eyes open and a big grain of salt handy.

***1/2 out of *****

Girl dresses as boy in redneck midwest, guess what happens.

This is a pretty tough movie, enough to make you angry watching it. It doesn't help that it's based on a true story. While I couldn't stand Hilary Swank in The Core, she displays an amazingly adept acting skill in this film which explains all the awards. It's not so much a story as it is a dramatization or a series of events. The protagonist is not bright. The antagonists aren't bright. And it all comes to a head in a very difficult set of scenes. I was pretty choked up as the credits rolled. Suck, but not in a bad movie way.

**** out of *****

Epic Scottish war drama

For a three hour movie, it sure went by smoothly, to its credit. Marred a bit by poor editing in places, but well-acted and reminiscent in setting and performance of Tolkien without the fantasy elements. Excruciatingly gory, it's certainly not a feel-good film. Nevertheless, the scope and intensity of the film makes the Best Picture Oscar it received understandable. If you like this kind of thing.

**** out of *****

Gender-confused boy searches for his mum

With all the colors and wild designs on the advertisements for this film, you'd expect it to be a Willy Wonka-esque carnival of psychadelic amusement. It even threatens to start out that way, with a pair of CG robins complete with subtitles in robin-ese. But then that's the end of that and the story immediately becomes an Oliver Twist style coming-of-age story wherein a sexually ambiguous boy goes off in search of his mother, from Ireland to England. It's not the most inventive twist on the cliche, but it proves at least mildly entertaining and just barely eventful enough to keep the viewer's head up. The accents are often extremely difficult to follow. It's also rather long, at over two hours, which is somewhat of an imposition considering the lack of excitement in the form of drama or action, even through the IRA-involvement subplot. A generally pleasant and eccentric drama, but only just so.

**1/2 out of *****

Sam Spade with teenagers

Here's what Brick is: take a hard-boiled noir detective story and replace all the characters with teenagers from a Disney Channel afterschool special playing appropriately equivalent roles. The concept sounds very interesting and it's carried out with a decent level of dry, dark humor. If only it was intelligible. The creators get so carried away with the bleak, self-destructive private eye mentality, that they go way overboard with the violence, the crime, and the dialogue. The latter is the most damaging to the film because the script is written in such obfuscated slang and delivered at such a fast pace that it's extremely difficult to understand what the characters are saying, both verbally and comprehensibly. Since the plot is deeply convoluted, that makes it nearly impossible to follow, but I can tell you that it involves kids getting killed, the teenage protagonist getting violently assaulted at least five times, and high levels of gun/drug/mafia violence. Somewhere early on, the directors decided to make The Godfather instead of what they started with. There's a good movie underneath all the mumbo-jumbo and gangland attitudes, but Brick loses the plot early on and just keeps on walking.

** out of *****

Cheerleader drama

Oh no! The captain of the cheerleading squad can't come up with a new routine before the National Finals! Can she bring the team to victory *and* reconcile with her boyfriend in the end? The passion! The drama! The intrigue! The cookie-cutter plot that's about as predictable as a stoplight! Ok, forget the plot - close your eyes, no plot, not there... The characters are funny stereotypes, at least, but they're still valley kids we've seen in a hundred other movies. They're all likeable and there's a decent dose of comedy. The cheerleading acts are fun, tho they needed more of them and more intensely competetive. Too bad the peppy music played during the cheer performances themselves were totally left off the soundtrack, yet another black eye. Luckily, the movie remains peppy and light enough so you really can't hate it - it just winds up being rather unremarkable. If you want happy, light, feel-good filler, this'll do ya. Very much a combination of Clueless and Drumline (which is much more recommended).

*** out of *****

Stealing nukes is fun.

Pure crowd-pleasing audience fodder. How could it not be with John Travolta as a hysterically insane bad guy and Christian Slater as action hero? Two guys with more overwrought character than most animated cartoons. There's little value to the film, some of the acting and sets are pure tv-movie quality, as are the inconsistencies and holes you could drive a truck through. Nevertheless, action is action and this film was definitely made for entertainment, not value. As stereotypical and hokey as it is, it's got quite a good set of thrills and an explosive ending that can match most good James Bond films. Worth seeing for the fun.

*** out of *****

Gay group learns minor life lessons.

After seeing the film, I was ready to buy it. It's like a second cousin to Jeffrey. But that's when I realized what was wrong: all then characters were stereotypical flamers. They weren't gay, they were caricatures of gays. While this provided for an entertaining film, I completely lost the ability to identify with any of the players. Sure, they send off zinging one-liners, they discuss decorating and can't walk without wrist-support, but that just made them cartoons. Applying attempts at serious situations to them made for weird fiction. In itself, this isn't bad, but it just makes for a different and less touching movie.

***1/2 out of *****

Disney's ursine transformation tale

First off, I know a lot of people said the music was jarring and inappropriate - I *liked* it! True, there wasn't any memorable tunes, but they matched the scenes very well and didn't take the attention away from the visuals, but instead complemented it. With that out of the way, I think this is Disney's best animated non-Pixar film since TLK. They're really good at pulling the weepy and happy strings. I thought the story was engaging, the characters were entertaining, and the art was pretty. All is not perfect, of course... Most of the cast seemed to forget that the movie takes place during the ice age, so the urban/suburban attitude and script came across unconvincingly. Disney's need to sanitize the violence resulted in confusing resolutions (no blood on the spear but lots of chewed up fish?). Lastly, of course, stay till the end of the credits - it's worth it.

**** out of *****

Con-artist brothers as heroes

Alas, the story is a mess. There's so much potential for a great film in the idea behind it, that the Grimm brothers are fairytale con-artists that find themselves battling real-life versions, that the fact that it is portrayed so poorly comes as a significant disappointment. The primary failures are the fairy tales themselves which are sprinkled so carelessly and without exposition that they come across as mere jokes without meaning. The characters are unappealing, especially their comic-relief French chaperone who is so annoying that he actually ruins scenes he's in. The FX and scenery is in turns repetetive and simply bad. Once particular scene has the green-screen background so out of focus that you can nearly see the sounstage the actor is standing on. The CG stands out like a sore thumb, as well. Topping it all off, the story is patently uninteresting, tied together only in the last 15 minutes of the film almost as an afterthought, leaving the preceeding script to make little sense to the viewer except as limited eye candy. Poor Terry Gilliam, one can only hope that the poor showing for this outing won't result in his next film, Tideland, being his last.

*1/2 out of *****

Elvis & JFK fight mummy

Liking Bruce Campbell does not automatically qualify your enjoyment of this movie. This is not Army of Darkness. It's mostly an elderly and decrepit Elvis lying in bed complaining about how much his life sucks. It bills itself as a comedy, but isn't particularly funny. It also bills itself as a horror film, but isn't scary in the slightest. The characters themselves are mildly amusing for about 15 minutes, but then all that's left is an unbelieveably slow story that could've been condensed into a Twilight Zone episode. The quality and value never rises above tv quality, either. Quite a disappointment for all the hype.

** out of *****

Anti-hero in military hides drug op.

This one had been bouncing around the indie festivals since 2001 and finally hit local theaters about a year ago. I wasn't expecting much, but it was surprisingly entertaining. It's a very black comedy featuring some big names like Joaquim Phoenix and Ed Harris. While the performances are a little wooden sometimes, the story is pretty engaging and moves right along. Some scenes are downright hysterical, but this is no kids' movie. Drugs, blood, and violence are prevalent. Worth seeing, rather satisfying.

***1/2 out of *****

Martial Arts wire-fu extravaganza

While the wire-fu takes a lot of getting used to because it's all comic-booked up and requires an overbearing amount of suspension of disbelief, when taken at face value the film is an amusing bit of fluff. The characters are cornball, but it's deliberate. Even the villain is a total caricature. It's got nazis and cat fights and kung-fu. Definitely requires a big tub of popcorn and a b-movie attitude.

**1/2 out of *****

This undiscovered (to me) little gem's wacky cast reminds me very much of those in The Impostors and Noises Off. In this case, a struggling writer in the 1920's tries to make a Broadway hit but gets tangled in the mafia. Great characterizations by an all-star cast and some scenes of true comedy keep it entertaining from nearly start to finish. The exceptions are where Woody Allen's direction rubs the dialogue a little raw, with his trademark babbling and people talking over each other coming out of other people's mouths and slowing things down. The script itself is relatively inoffensive so I'm dumbfounded at how it has an R-rating. Considering it won an Oscar and was nominated for six more, it's a shame that the DVD version is only in mono 4:3 (full frame). Probably the best Woody Allen film I've seen.

**** out of *****

The life and times of Karl Rove

While often dry and wallowing too long in minutiae, there are enough revealing elements in this film to give you a very good understanding of how very slimy this guy actually is. As the film recites his clawing up the political ladder, it exposes historical precedents for much of the elements and theatrics you see coming from the administration today. You may hear the media often say that a certain tactic appears "Rovian" - this film will explain why. Rove's if-I-can't-win-nobody-can thinking explains the positioning of lawyers before the 2004 election, and reinforces my belief that we should expect the administration to litigate the post-election results into oblivion, no matter what the outcome.

**** out of *****

10 Keaton shorts

You've certainly heard of the Marx Brothers, The Three Stooges, and Laurel & Hardy. But have you heard of Buster Keaton? Surprisingly, many have not. To many, he's one of the black & white comedy greats, going all the way back to silent film, doing pratfalls and physical comedy that predated and set a precedent for much of today's slapstick. This particular collection spans two DVDs and contains 10 short films (about 15-20 mins each). Reportedly, these are from late in Keaton's career and are all talkies - many claim that his feature films, some silent, are where his best work is at and are not included in this collection. To me, while the tumbling and falling and such are funny to an extent, I didn't feel that Keaton had any actual character. He was doing the gags, but he appeared to be just an older, weatherbeaten, tired guy who could be your next door neighbor. Perhaps that was his appeal back then, but his humor extended to his actions and not his personality. I wish Keaton were funnier rather than just what Keaton did. This set is good if you want to get a measure of the guy for posterity, but don't expect the same feeling you get from other classic comedy teams.

*** out of *****

Time travel - don't do it.

This film tries a little too hard to be everything at once. It attempts to be an Ashton Kutcher carrier, it attempts to be Donnie Darko, and it attempts to be an avant-garde anti-hero classic. On some levels, it hits, on others it flubs. It plays like a thriller, but watches like a tragedy. Rather than going for suspense and scares, it dips in the shock value well a little too much and ultimately poisons the film a little. You really can't claim to enjoy this movie all that much, seeing as it's one long, downward spiral of misery. It is, however, effective at stirring dread and apprehension. The performances are all pretty good and I wasn't having That 70s Show flashbacks. Definitely not a film to cheer you up.

***1/2 out of *****