Let's face it, the world is just awesome. The world is a wonderfully weird place full of things to see and do—at least from Xydexx's perspective. What we see depends on what we look for. Xydexx tends to focus on the cute and weird and happy, so his world tends to be full of that. The opposite is also true: People who focus on the ugly and normal (i.e., mocking the weird) and sad will find their world full of that as well. So while Xydexx is happy they're stuck wondering why everything sucks so much.
Cabbage Fetish
A cabbage fetish is an important thing to have, and part of our important research here at the Department of Cute and Weird. Surprisingly, we haven't found any Cabbage Patch Doll Porn on the internet, and are frankly disappointed that nobody has created a page for it yet, because that means we'll have to. (We do what we must, because we can.) Now you can call me Jennifer and steal my stapler.
Campanology
All proper lunatics are well aware campanology is the study of bellringing. This was a point that was not lost on the crowd gathered today at Boringville Clock Tower (100 Warren Avenue, Hawthorne, NY 10532) for the annual demon rabbit auction. "Demon rabbits will eat your face with love," commented local fetish mad scientist Xydexx Squeakypony. The demon rabbits, first imported from Russia in 1994, have become a popular pet with furries and campanologists alike. The local rock band Ghast Craft Five are writing a song about them entitled "Eat Your Own Face" which will be released on their next album in Summer 2008.
Getting Ahead of Myself
There's always so much to do and so little time to do it. This is why time management is so important. Procrastination is the thief of time.
Xydexx's time is valuable and he doesn't like wasting it. This is why Xydexx usually decides to ride his weirdo bike around on a nice sunny day when other people are hanging around on message boards making snarky comments at everyone. Now, some people make snarky comments about Xydexx—saying that he's "bragging" about all the miles he's riding and all the sunny weather he's enjoying. And that's okay, because time management is all about your priorities. In other words, it's more important to these guys to make snarky comments about Xydexx than to go outside and enjoy the sunny weather.
That, in a nutshell, is why trolls are neither funny nor offensive, just pathetic. If you lulz, you lose.
Ghast Craft Five
Desmond, the lead vocalist for Ghast Craft Five, was recently asked where he got inspiration for some of the songs on their last album, Wuthering Inferno. He admits the game Mornington Crescent and children's stories gone horribly wrong have been a strong influence. "I combine the two and come up with stories about heroes entrapped in sicky mucilage or poor horrible unicorns who thought the world was dumb," Desmond says. "I envision Sugar Bear running with a bowl of eyeballs. That's the way to be." The group has considered adding a new event to the nightclub Knot Of Human Elbows (101 Warren Avenue, Hawthorne, NY 10532) entitled Delightfully Demented Story Hour, featuring stories which make no sense. This is a Good Thing. Geek brains need exercise, like putting underwear on the dog.
Horse-Powered Victory!
Xydexx has come to the rescue again with the discovery of an awesome collection of old maps on David Rumsey's website. Centuries-old travel guides showing the location of nearby taverns, blacksmith shops, churches, and milestones along the old Albany Post Road. Everything the traveler of revolutionary times needed to navigate the unpaved roads at a rate of ten to twelve miles a day. "Get drunk on history and appreciate the power of awesome," says Xydexx. It's a big weird world out there, and that's a Good Thing.
Important Research
The important research Xydexx is conducting in the Grand Scheme of Things isn't really that important to anyone but himself. Xydexx is a bit of a mad scientist that way. If other folks find it interesting, that's cool too, but he does things like the Super Bowl Of Eyeballs mainly for his own entertainment. A lot of the time it's obscure trivia or complete gibberish (sometimes both).
Screw the Ordinary
As some are aware, Xydexx wasted a good portion of his school years attempting to "fit in." It wasn't until his senior year in high school that he decided to stop trying to win at the silly high school games and instead start winning at being a delightfully demented character. Life's too short and people waste too much time trying to conform.
